We're taking our annual trip to Jersey to see the in-laws tomorrow. It should be more, and indeed it used to be, but it's not cheap, we've got to think about the cat and anyway, they come over here more these days. Still, in-laws aside, it's always a trip I quite enjoy.
Do you know the Channel Islands? If so, you'll be aware of how old-fashioned they are. I've not been to any of the others apart from Jersey, but in the 18 years I've been visiting it's been taking an awfully long time to haul its arse into the here and now. I imagine Guernsey, Alderney and especially Sark are much the same. Sark has no cars. How lovely.
It's old-fashioned in many different ways. To look at, bits of it can be quite Fifties - brick-built bungalows in seaside colours are everywhere. Attitudes are stuck in the Seventies - the Portuguese, the biggest ethnic minority on the island are to blame for all ills. Restaurants can also be very Seventies - when was the last time you saw black cherries jubilee or chicken a la king on any menu? I'm not complaining. There are copious restaurants, many with spectacular views of castles and sea or comforting bays. Bars and pubs are stuck in the Eighties - expect to see blue cocktails and hear Earth, Wind and Fire and you won't be disappointed.
The main town, St Helier, seems to become more rundown as the years go by. It used to be a good little shopping centre, and of course with no VAT it's very attractive. But here's the rub - no one goes to Jersey anymore so how can the shops survive? There are only about 150,000 inhabitants. Or is it 900,000. Still not much more than Iceland.
Tourism is now virtually non-existant save for French daytrippers. We used to go on holiday there when I was young. In fact, Hughie Green hosting the 1973 Battle of Flowers was the first famous person I ever saw. Jersey then was awash with families on holiday. But over time, foreign holidays have become dirt cheap, with £30 flights to European cities, while Jersey's flight prices have remained high - so why go there for £170 when you could fly to Greece for less?
Jersey's feudal government is very tough - it rules with an iron rod. So if anyone tries telling them they should let in Easyjet or lower prices, they're not interested and you will not open your mouth again. But something's got to change.
My brother-in-law has grown up there and stayed there. He's very into water sports and with loads of huge beaches to choose from - but where is everyone? Why isn't this the new Newquay. Where are the weekend breakers at the lovely country hotels? Where are the families on cycling holidays? Why did the German Underground Hospital bother to revamp (very good, by the way). Why did they expand the airport? No fucker comes. John Nettles was there until very recently, welcoming you to Jersey, albeit in giant-sized carboard cut-out form. When did Bergerac finish again?
Jesey must reinvent or it will die. Still, it's nice and quiet in the meantime.
