Some people who get my goat at the moment:
Angelina Jolie - Stop collecting children with your pretty-boy blank canvas of a husband, big lips, and make up with your dad. Then think about starring in a decent film. You've done nothing of note since Girl Interrupted. I can't speak for A Mighty Heart because I'm afraid it's not my cup of tea.
Britney - Pull yourself together.
Jordan - Another year stretching ahead, another year of OK! exclusives about her stomach-churning sex-life, her surgery addiction, her dumbass husband, her poor children, horses, the colour pink and how much she hates Girls Aloud/Spice Girls or any woman on a similar age who she finds vaguely threatening.
Kerry Katona - Your 'bi-polar medication' will be your undoing. You chav baby machine.
Kerry Katona's husband - Controlling freeloader.
Ewan McGregor - Looks like he needs a good wash.
James McAvoy - Okay, you were good in Atonement, but how lucky have you got? Beyond smug. You'll need to get those teeth fixed if Hollywood is going to take you really seriously. Yes I am jealous.
Keira Knightly - Should eat something.
Mark Lawson - There is nothing interesting about Harry Hill presenting a programme in voiceover then in vision on the same night, even if it never has been done before. Takes everything far too seriously. Quite good interviewee, though.
Robbie Williams - Finished
Bloke next door but one who dumps his rubbish - I'm hiding in your wardrobe with a very big knife.
Currently I love: Kate Winslett
