Leave me alone!

Spam. Don't you hate it? If it's not enough that I get about 1000 emails a day about Viagra, penis enlargement, erectile dysfunction or cheap watches, then I'm on all sorts of mailing lists whether I want to be or not.

Currently bombarding me is the English National Ballet School. Anything that goes on there bears no relation to my line of work. So why do they send this to me?

How does one get on these lists? I've just managed to unsubscribe myself from the Oxford Union and The University Of Canterbury, who sent constant emails and press releases about non-TV related subjects for inclusion. Have they actually read my magazines? And no, I didn't ask to be a member of MediaBox so please release me.

I've had no luck binning off the Police fan club newsletter, which I've unsubscribed from about three times, and still it comes. They were shit in concert and a real disappointment and I want nothing more to do with them. And I ordered one item from John Lewis and now I get about three emails a day.

Some of the spam subject titles are like T Rex or Julian Cope albums: Satellite Electricity Library Woman Diamond Potato Skeleton, or great lost psychedelic singles like Chandra's Grand Erectile Organ by Bobby Reyna.

At least they're vaguely interesting.