Everybody loves a clown - so why don't you?

I have a problem with comedy. Did you know that? (Do you care?).

I can't really bring myself to watch new comedy shows when they first air as I can't bear the tension of waiting for something to make me laugh and the inevitable disappointment when it doesn't. No amount of personal recommendations will sway me either. But I'll catch something eventually and if it makes me chuckle I might stick with it, otherwise I'm off. I'm currently avoiding Flight Of The Conchords - alarm bells have been ringing since day one.

There are of course many comedies I do like. I didn't used to be like this (What does that say about the state of situation comedy?). As a child I loved Sykes, Some Mothers Do Ave 'Em, Dad's Army, The Good Life, Are You Being Served - comedies that remain as popular today as they've always been. I think I got jaded around the time of Life Without George and anything by Carla Lane. Her unfunny comedies have single-handedly ruined the sitcom - when the BBC realised they could get away with Bread, they realised could get away with any old shit, so it all went downhill from there.

I've had a little faith restored over the years, with things like The Office, Extras (despite not like Ricky Gervais the person) and Lead Balloon. But anything else is a chore, frankly.

Don't even start me on stand-up comedians. That tit Michael McIntyre seems to be the next hope. I met him and I thought he was ghastly. He really bombed out at the BAFTAs too. Not quite the star he thinks he is. I can't stand Michael Caine soundalike Sean Locke either, and I can't think of anything worse than going to a taping of a Radio 2 or Radio panel show in which Lucy Porter and Marcus Brigstocke battle for comedy supremacy. It's painful.

Don't get me wrong. I like a laugh - and obviously I'm absolutely hilarious - and I enjoy a lot of American sitcomes. Perhaps that's where it all went wrong. The US got good at it and we try emulate but can't cut it. I'd pick Seinfeld over My Family anytime. Wouldn't you?

Everybody's Laughing...

Life's not really real anymore is it? It's like some frightening vision of the future, like Children of Men, or V For Vendetta. Financial institutions are crashing around our ears, shops are disappearing at a rate of knots, we sit knitting at the foot of the guillotine as a dying woman is the centre of some bizarre, exploitative media cirucs, people have stopped buying records and only communicate through websites (hi!), ITV will no longer be making any programmes and honeybees are mysteriously disappearing.

So if that's not enough, I thought I really was living in in a Will Self novel this morning when I stopped to let a Del Boy Trotter yellow three-wheeler vanette pass in in front of me, then finding I had no choice but to also allow the Batmobile, the Dukes of Hazzard car, James Bond's Aston Martin, Noddy's little yellow car, another James Bond Lotus (the one that can work underwater) and Starsky and Hutch's car to cross too.

Then it dawned on me; It's soon to be Comic Relief, already pre-irritating me with various dance-offs - I thought Robert Webb was a very cross looking woman, like someone who's in Gladiators or something. I was stunned to discover she was a he - and silly adverts where students dye their chest hair red. You already know my feelings on this particular unfunny love-in, so no need to go into that again.

It's going to take more than world's unfunniest man Lenny Henry, Holby City stars doin song and dance routines from Oklahoma! or Mr Vain Steve Jones and the stupidest woman in Western Europe Fearne Cotton to lighten the mood of the nation.

I'm not laughing. Are you?

Beyond our Ken

I was up with the lark yesterday morning, so heard a lot of Radio 2 40th anniversary programming. In fact, I listened most of the day.

I laughed out loud when Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart came on, and played the 'ello darlin', huh-ha-ha-ha-ha' jingle. I've not heard it in years. Then he played all the old faves like Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah and My Brother. It was a real trip down memory lane. I loved Junior Choice as a child.

After that came Kenny Everett, with a show from that very day in 1981. Hits like O Superman (tipped for the top), You'll Never Know and other autumnal nuggets got an airing. I've never actually heard a Kenny Everett radio show before, and I have to say I wasn't that impressed. So many voices it was hard to find the real Ken in there. I think we know now what that entailed, but back then it was all hiding behind a lot of mainly unfunny stuff.

Smashie and Nicey followed doing a pisstake Pick Of The Pops, and they were rubbish. So puerile it was pathetic. I don't really see the point of them doing this. It was meant to be a celebration, so why not run an old Fluff one instead? That would have been a far more fitting tribute. Halfway through this, I turned if off.

It was good to have another chance to see the old Radio 1 episode of Blood On The Carpet later on BBC4, reminding us what a monster Chris Evans was and how out of touch the station had been. I've Sky+ed the Peel and Caroline Arenas.

I love stuff about radio.