Thursday, March 05, 2009

Everybody's Laughing...


Life's not really real anymore is it? It's like some frightening vision of the future, like Children of Men, or V For Vendetta. Financial institutions are crashing around our ears, shops are disappearing at a rate of knots, we sit knitting at the foot of the guillotine as a dying woman is the centre of some bizarre, exploitative media cirucs, people have stopped buying records and only communicate through websites (hi!), ITV will no longer be making any programmes and honeybees are mysteriously disappearing.

So if that's not enough, I thought I really was living in in a Will Self novel this morning when I stopped to let a Del Boy Trotter yellow three-wheeler vanette pass in in front of me, then finding I had no choice but to also allow the Batmobile, the Dukes of Hazzard car, James Bond's Aston Martin, Noddy's little yellow car, another James Bond Lotus (the one that can work underwater) and Starsky and Hutch's car to cross too.

Then it dawned on me; It's soon to be Comic Relief, already pre-irritating me with various dance-offs - I thought Robert Webb was a very cross looking woman, like someone who's in Gladiators or something. I was stunned to discover she was a he - and silly adverts where students dye their chest hair red. You already know my feelings on this particular unfunny love-in, so no need to go into that again.

It's going to take more than world's unfunniest man Lenny Henry, Holby City stars doin song and dance routines from Oklahoma! or Mr Vain Steve Jones and the stupidest woman in Western Europe Fearne Cotton to lighten the mood of the nation.

I'm not laughing. Are you?

13 comments:

fourstar said...

As I have repeated elsewhere, why not give us the option to donate an amount to NOT see some of the crap they come up with. I'd happily give £20 to have a Friday evening of classic films, perhaps across all 4 BBC channels. But if they show Comic Relief, they get diddly squat. Woeful.

Five-Centres said...

I couldn't agree more, Fourstar. I'd give my life savings not see Lenny Henry on our screens ever again.

David said...

Am guessing, then, that you're none too impressed with this: http://www.radiotimes.com/content/features/galleries/comic-relief-21-covers/01/

Overkill surely?

Five-Centres said...

Not impressed, no. Do they seriously think anyone's going to go and collect the set?

And another black and white cover, too. When will they learn??

fourstar said...

Collectable? In what way? Unless there is soon to be a world shortage of Andrex, I can see no earthly reason to retain 21 copies of the whole sordid affair. Pfft.

Bright Ambassador said...

I can't disagree with the sentiment of Comic Relief, but surely the money that the BBC, Sainsbury's, record companies etc put into CR and CIN might just as well be donated.
Therefore they wouldn't have to make the programmes and just show repeats of Morecambe and Wise (yawn), The Two Ronnies (yawn again) and The Mighty Boosh, while filling the gaps in between the shows with films of kiddies in Africa and drug addicts showing us what the money they would have spent on new programmes/records/red noses has gone towards helping.

Benjamin said...

Bloody Radio Times, up their own arses again. Any magazine editor who puts Comic Relief on their cover must be mentally ill.

Five-Centres said...

Nice one Benj!

Five-Centres said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Clair said...

I've just been offered a feature with Biggins dressed up as the Queen and spray-painted gold to publicise the event.

Kill me now (but sponsor it for the kiddies).

office pest said...

I think you're all being REALLY HORRID about this.
Think of (voice breaks) the poorliddlechil'ren an' that..

*tails off into quiet weeping, wipes eyes, takes another large slug of Bargain Booze gin, straight from bottle*.

Grizzles quietly for several minutes before incoherently shouting something about 'my career'.

Who am I?

Five-Centres said...

Are you OK, OP? Breakdown iminent. And Clair, you really SHOULD do that feature, you know. What a gift.

office pest said...

Yes I'm fine thanks. Always feel ok once I've got the first bottle down.

But seriously, how many of these faded stars keep their profiles alive on the back of charity events? I know the results are worthwhile but I wonder sometimes about the celebs' motivation, especially those plugging a new record or giving us a 10 minute excerpt from the latest West End Smash.

But it's so difficult to have a rational debate about it without someone throwing 'the children' in your face (not literally of course).

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