Call me a curmudgeon. Say I have no heart. But I can't be doing with Comic Relief. I don't mind giving to charity - in fact I do it quite a lot (but clearly don't want to talk about it). I just resent being told to do it. I also don't need the concept of giving to charity dressed up either. Do people give more if the donation process is made amusing? Can money not be raised normally unless it's a fun thing to do?
At one time, charities were grateful for the patronage of Terry-Thomas or Dame Margot Fonteyn, turning out for the odd dinner or dance. Then Live Aid came along and all charity had to be twinned with celebrity or you could forget it. They ruined it for everyone.
This week, the TV is awash with Comic Relief shows. They even got Richard Curtis to do a Casualty special. He needn't have bothered. It was utterly predictable and absolute tosh. The usual Curtis Notting Hill/FWAAF/Love, Actually mix of heartwarming, tearjerking, terrible jokes, stereotyped bollocks. And usually, it's my wife's favourite show! Why Angus Deayton? He's about as relevant as Enoch Powell. Is this the best they could get?
So we've got Comic Relief Does Fame Academy, now an ultra-tired format that should never return again. Celebs singing in comedy voices coupled with those who want to launch a singing career. Give it up Tricia Penrose. If it hasn't happened by now, it never will. You're nothing more than average. The 'feud' between world's most annoying TV presenter Patrick Kielty and the arrogant Richard Park, (who lives in a very nice house just down the road from my work) is wearisome and makes for uncomfortable viewing. But let's bear in mind that when it boils down to it, Park should know more about music than Pat.
So the night itself draws nigh, and comedians everywhere are blackmailed into joining in lest they be painted a Scrooge. So we have to endure 'specials' of The Vicar Of Dibley (hasn't this died yet?), another Richard Curtis triumph, and no doubt a Doctor Who skit, newsreaders doing a musical number for the 81st time, various cast members of Bad Girls, Waterloo Road, EastEnders, Emmerdale etc, singing a medley of the songs from Janette McDonald and Nelson Eddy films, a funny performance of this year's Comic Relief song, while between the fun Jonathan Ross barks at us to raise more money, dig deeper because IT'S FOR CHARITY!! And Lenny Henry will mug furiously at some confused African children while wearing a red nose and alternately making his deadly serious face, because hey, this may be fun, but it's also serious stuff. So here's another heartbreaking film about some poor kid with a terminal illness, followed by Matt Lucas and David Walliams doing something wholly inappropriate that will negate all that you've just seen.
Needless to say, I intend to give it a miss. Might catch a few mins at some later stage. You know, the bit where things get that big more risque and - the bywords for dull as ditchwater TV - 'Anything Can Happen'. Perhaps maverick alternative comedienne Dawn French will make everyone cough up so she can tongue Hugh Grant/George Clooney/This years model - anyone except her husband.
And once that's over, it's time for Children In Need. Hurray!
3 comments:
Just thank your lucky stars that you don't work in an office that does wacky stunts to raise money, a la David Brent as Bernie Clifton in The Office. Joke wig, anyone?
Like you, I think I'm charitable, but I recoil from seeing the very rich telling me to give up my money. And the whole Comic Relief thing is just a predictable, in-crowd-plus-whoever's-hot-right-now curate's egg. My favourite moment was last year, when Jonathan Ross dressed up as the Archbishop of Canterbury, but that's just me.
How much has it cost the BBC to set up Fame Academy? I should think the amount will be a lot more than is actually raised through the phone votes from the show.
And I'm already sick this year of people like Alan Sugar saying: "It's VERY difficult to turn down Richard Curtis". No it isn't, just say no.
Don't say I didn't warn you....
The Scarlet Pinhead
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