I love The X Factor, but it's got incredibly predictable. You can more or less map out each episode now. So much as I enjoy it, it's getting rather tiresome.
They still use that E4/ironic poor man's Patrick Allen voiceover over that now-hackneyed Carmina Burana soundtrack to introduce the judges.
They introduce each turn with one of those embarrassing montages of them all windswept and made-over.
Everyone's been on a journey/is realising their dream/is doing what they always wanted/is doing it to make their family proud of them/wants a better life for their mum/doesn't want to let the family down, etc.
Louis must talk over heavy applause, so much so that he can't be heard. Louis will row with Simon. Simon will put down Louis.
Dannii looks like a skull. Her advice is actually quite good sometimes.
Sharon will call the older white girl 'Mrs', the older black girl 'Girlfriend', she will flirt with all the men, irrespective of age.
Sharon will find the decision to boot off one or other of her contestants who find themselves in the bottom two, that she'll storm off the set. (And be back next week).
Simon will call the show 'this competition' at least 18 times.
The groups would well to either get rid of the runt (boys), ditch the bitch (girls)
The songs are without exception dire. Whitney Houston numbers from 20 years ago, Lovely Day, some dull as ditchwater swing number, as made famous by Robbie or Westlife, a disco classic. Such a lack of imagination. When's someone going to do Clog Dance or Car 67.
Dermot will pretend to cry and will be shorter than most of the contestants.
Someone will do that cocky 'vote for us' phone gesture.
You will hate everyone concerned with the show but you will be with it until the end.
