Monday, October 22, 2007

Tiring of it now/Still loving it

I love The X Factor, but it's got incredibly predictable. You can more or less map out each episode now. So much as I enjoy it, it's getting rather tiresome.

They still use that E4/ironic poor man's Patrick Allen voiceover over that now-hackneyed Carmina Burana soundtrack to introduce the judges.

They introduce each turn with one of those embarrassing montages of them all windswept and made-over.

Everyone's been on a journey/is realising their dream/is doing what they always wanted/is doing it to make their family proud of them/wants a better life for their mum/doesn't want to let the family down, etc.

Louis must talk over heavy applause, so much so that he can't be heard. Louis will row with Simon. Simon will put down Louis.

Dannii looks like a skull. Her advice is actually quite good sometimes.

Sharon will call the older white girl 'Mrs', the older black girl 'Girlfriend', she will flirt with all the men, irrespective of age.

Sharon will find the decision to boot off one or other of her contestants who find themselves in the bottom two, that she'll storm off the set. (And be back next week).

Simon will call the show 'this competition' at least 18 times.

The groups would well to either get rid of the runt (boys), ditch the bitch (girls)

The songs are without exception dire. Whitney Houston numbers from 20 years ago, Lovely Day, some dull as ditchwater swing number, as made famous by Robbie or Westlife, a disco classic. Such a lack of imagination. When's someone going to do Clog Dance or Car 67.

Dermot will pretend to cry and will be shorter than most of the contestants.

Someone will do that cocky 'vote for us' phone gesture.

You will hate everyone concerned with the show but you will be with it until the end.


A Kitten in a Brandy Glass said...

I'm not watching the X-Factor this series because I can't bear to listen to the shite they all have to sing: all those Mariah Sodding Carey numbers and Westlife-type cover versions that have had all the life kicked bodily out of them.

Last year a mate and I had the brainwave that they ought to do a Novelty Records week, with the Macdonald Brothers singing "Shaddup You Face", Leona doing "I've Never Been To Me", etc. I found this idea so entertaining that the rest of the series seemed like a colossal disappointment in comparison.

Clair said...

Wait till you hear the idea that me and Keith had at the weekend - a lapdancing club where the hot babes get their kit off to Hole In The Ground, Car 67 and anything by Pinky And Perky. An investment opportunity awaits...

I hate talent shows with real people. I watch from the distance of tabloid newspapers, but can't waste my eyesight on watching people whinge, or my hearing on singing songs I never liked when they came out 25 years ago.

Sky Clearbrook said...

I'd love to hear somebody do Mudhoney's "Touch Me I'm Sick" or Public Enemy's "She Watch Channel Zero" - it'd make a change from all this bland pap.

Red Squirrel said...

Isn't Sharon Osbourne REALLY annoying? I hate that little girl voice she does. Sharon, don't even bother, we know you shit in suitcases so quit with the butter-wouldn't-melt-in-my-surgically-modified-mouth act. Grrr.

Five-Centres said...

She's just ghastly, Squirrel. She's a separate blog entry really. I don't buy this normal mum act she does. She's a vicious nightmare and so plastic I'm amazed she doesn't go soft under the studio lights. She couldn't care less about anyone on the show, only herself. Really awful woman. No wonder that chat show bombed.

Question: Ozzy's not been seen in public for quite some time. Where is he?