Five "Two Tons Of Fun" Centres

Spam never fails to amuse me. Now we've got a super-efficient spam-catcher at work it's awash with junk from the most fantastic made-up names. If only theres people were real - who wouldn't want to know somene called Lloyd "Champagne" Henderson? With a name like that he can only be no end of fun.

But what would a selection of the others be like?

There's Irish crooner Johnnie "Tipperary" Hopkins, puts Josef Locke in the shade - and he tells jokes.

What about whip-smart geology professer Jeanette "Seismology" Sanderson. Earthquakes are her middle name!

Kelsey "Persuasion" Overton is bookish, with a sly side, while former child star Marcia "Squirt" Tuttle (star of Oh No! It's the Marcia Tuttle Show!), is now a washed-up alcoholic with a string of broken relationships behind her.

And don't cross Arline "Blaze" Ogden. There's a fire in her belly that just can't be tamed.

Who's coming next, I wonder?

PS Do you like my new look? Coffee??