Five Centres

I've been reading yesterday's Observer magazine in which there's a billion-page men's fashion supplement. Things like this always make me panic that I'm being left behind. I do try to keep up to date, but it takes cash and time, plus a love of shopping which I don't really have. I've always been intimidated by shop assistants in high fashion places, and even baulk at going into Top Man, especially now I've turned 40. Someone told me you're never too old for Top Man, but I must disagree.

It's much better if I see something I like and buy it. No lengthy browsing. Trouble is, I never find what I'm looking for, or rarely anyway. If I get a whiff of someone asking me if I need help I'm off. I have no idea why this is, except perhaps until I was 16 I was terribly self-concious and wore atrocious clothes: hand-me-downs, home knits and I was painfully thin too. I thought nothing suited me. Then sixth form came around and I decided to change - clothes, hair, everything. I'm glad I did, but it took some courage.

But when you're younger you don't have any money, and needless to say there are tons of things you want to buy but can't possibly afford. Now I'm older and I have money, I feel too old for things I'd like to wear. And now I'm worried about being mutton dressed as lamb.

These days I'm still self-concious, but it's not about being too thin - it's the opposite. I think I'll just stay in my dressing gown.