You've got to feel sorry for Jordan. Her not-so-little boy Harvey has just been released from hospital after suffering what must have been major burns on New Year's Eve. It can't be easy having a son with his condition and let me make it clear I wouldn't wish it upon anyone what's happened.
But when you read her interviews and columns in OK!, which I must admit I do on a regular basis, it's hard not think she's just loving the publicity.
'Nothing goes right for us!' she sighs, but at the same time you can almost see the thought bubble 'but it should keep us in the pages of OK! for at least another six months'.
We've had the getting together with Peter, the engagment, the marriage, various birthday parties, the birth of baby junior, Christmas, Easter, summer holidays, the new house, more anniversaries, the new baby on the way, etc, etc, week after week, with no stone of their lives left unturned. Their constant shagging, her trials with Harvey, her new/old boobs, their album, their most intimate secrets - it's fascinating yet repulsive at the same time.
Some would say, good for her, she's made loads of money out of being Jordan, or Katie Andre as only OK! insists on calling her. Well fair enough, but she's also savvy enough to know what's in it for her. At Children In Need she told someone that it's good they're appearing on the show, because when she did last year 'she got a record deal out of it'. Hold on - isn't being on Children In Need meant to be a selfless act of charity? Clearly Jordan sees it more as a career move.
And that's what rankles. Every heartache comes with a price tag. Call me cynical, but this is how I see it.
As for poor old Peter, he just goes along with whatever she wants. If you've ever seen them on a chat show together, they bicker constantly. She's insanely jealous of even the merest mention of an old flame, and if he tries to contradict here there's trouble. I sometimes wonder if he really knows what he's got himself into. After all, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed is he? His singing career has been hijacked by her naked ambition, and now he finds himself singing insipid Disney showtunes at the London Palladium. Let's rock!
The other OK! regular I can't get enough of is the official world's biggest chav, Kerry Katona. Clearly a nasty bit of work with some very dodgy friends, not least the overbearing boyfriend who she defers to constantly lest things get nasty, her column not only sees her take ghost-wrtten take on the week's celeb comings and goings - Good On Yer Jade! I Feel Sorry For Katie!, etc - but also sees her tirelessly righting the wrongs done to her by "the papers" each week. She's banished her mother and all her old friends because they sold stories about her drug dealing, her drug-dealing boyfriend, etc, all of which she says is untrue. She about to move out of Warrington because everyone's horrible to her. Hmm. So what is the truth?
You can almost hear the desperation in her voice when she assures us that Mark's ex hasn't moved in with them, it was just for a short time while she got herself sorted, she says. Or has bully boy Mark has made her have the ex to stay, whether she likes it or not? And as for her kids being grounded on Christmas Day becasue they got up early and opened all the presents - what kind of mother does that and tells the world they ruined Christmas because of it?
She's a monster, but endlessly fascinating.
I shouldn't care, I really shouldn't. And the truth is, I don't. What I find interesting is these women so desperate to cling on to some kind of fame that they'll lay bare the most intricate details of their private lives for us to devour. They get so angry about press intrusion yet they intrude on their own lives. And they keep doing it and doing it until one day the world will implode. They also come across as not very nice, arrogant, boastful showboats who no one really likes, but find endlessly fascinating because they're so god awful. In which case, it's sometimes very hard to feel sorry for them.
So why do they do it? The story continues.
4 comments:
You may have noticed Jordan using her *ahem* advice column in OK to have a go at people who've dissed her - she was slagging off Emma Bunton for 'always giving her funny looks'. It's obviously never occurred to Mrs Andre - a woman whose world ends at the tip of her nose - that Emma doesn't like her.
This is what happens when you have 'stars' who have nothing to offer but a big pair of tits. Like Jade Goody and her ilk, they don't do anything other than be themselves and get cash for every diet/baby/illness/minor health scare. They'll sell it to one magazine, then another, then put it in a ghosted autobiography, in lieu of any talent for acting, writing, modelling, or even plate-spinning.
Of course, as an ex OK and Hello employee, I blame myself.
Why read these magazines?
I was shocked, while watching the Weakest Link over Christmas, to find that Jordan appears to be a 'bridesmaid for hire'. My sister even informed me that one of Liberty X has a column in OK. Who the hell would be interested in anything she's got to say? Especially as she married a Scott-Lee, a family who are so desperate to be famous it makes my nose bleed.
I don't go out and buy these. We have them in the office and I must flick through due to the nature of my business. So over the months Jordan and Kerry have caught my eye.
And yes Clair, it is your fault!
What you have to remember is that these people are far too dim to use a computer. OK and Hello is essentially their blog. And they are read by people too dim to use a computer to read a blog. So it's a public service really - keeps a lot of shit of the Internet.
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