We've spent the bulk of the weekend with people with children. We don't have any children. You spend years avoiding them, and before you know it you're in your 40s and time's ticking by.
A friend we saw on Satruday night had a baby a few months ago at 42, so it's never too late. It's hard for them at their age, but they're coping. Some other friends now have kids who are teenagers. I remember holding the oldest one, now 16, the day after she was born.
The older we get, the more settled in our ways we become. We like going away and being able to come and go as we please, go out in the evenings without a care. Watch what we want on the telly. Spend our money on ourselves. Is it selfish to think like this or is it selfish to bring another child into a world like this? I mean, have you seen Children Of Men?
My brother has a little girl who I adore, but after a few hours of watching nothing but Winnie the Pooh videos and trying to talk over the shouting, it's a relief to come home to peace and quiet. Of course parents don't mind this at all, and tell you endlessly how marvellous being a parent is, and I don't doubt it. If it's what you want.
It's amazing how empty and unfilled people can make you feel if you don't have kids. Some people even turn their backs on you when they find out. We've been at kids' parties where someone's asked 'which one's yours?', to which we've replied 'none of them'. A look of pity comes over their faces and it's off you go to the kitchen with the barren couples and the gays.
So part of me is glad I have no children. Another - albeit small - part thinks it would be nice. It's a modern dilemma. And only time will tell.
7 comments:
I couldn't agree more. People tend to think that as you don't have kids there's something wrong with you. I work with a guy who thinks that he was put on Earth to reproduce. He once said to me that having his daughter 'proved himself as a man'.
Don't get me started...being at kids' parties when, not only are you asked which one's yours, but when the next one is due, when you're not even pregnant. And being told (in as many words) that you don't know what a full and complete life is until you've become a parent.
I can't stand the screaming, either.
Well I'm glad I'm not alone in this. Rich's comment about a colleague 'proving himself as a man' is my point exactly. All rationality goes out the window with some people.
Can I just say the line: "it's off you go to the kitchen with the barren couples and the gays" is my new favourite thing?
I don't want to have kids either - and it's a decision I made a long time ago. I just don't want them touching my stuff.
Oh, what a bunch of smug metropolitan types you are. Kids are ace. I've been reading Michael Palin's diaries and all the little bits about his kids learning to tie their shoelaces and pinching his toast when he was ill in bed are rather touching. Boo!
Chris, I'd actually rather like to be a parent, but the right circumstances have never arisen! The point is how leper-like parents can make you feel if you've never popped one out...
I defend anyones right to not want kids (and in many ways I envy it) Smug middle-class parents banging on about Jemima *are* amongst the most annoying twats in the world.
BUT (just to provide a counter-balance) as a parent, I also know a *lot* of people who have the aggressive version of the same opinion as yourselves, to the point where I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I *wanted* to breed? It's just as annoying and unfair that some people tend to assume that I'm a smug "ooh darling you simply musssst have children they're so fulfilling" kind of tosser. Some parents are just, you know, people like you, but with another thing that they do.
I've been stuck at a parties with Vinyl bores, and engineers. There are annoying twats in every part of life. The only difference is that with kids it costs more. and your stuff gets a bit stickier.
PS - It's also frankly fucking rude the way that as tack of people who have hitherto been friends just vanish once you've had kids. How shallow is that? The worst ones invite you to a wedding or something, knowing you have kids, with a specific 'no kids' clause in the invite. Fuck 'em - friends are supposed to be your friends warts and all surely.(If you can calls kids warts.) I you really want me there, invite me and mine properly. I'll usually leave the kids at home IF I CAN. I'm not dim - I know they make a noise and will disrupt your video soundtrack - why not trust my judgement. You know, like you did on the many occasions when I carried you back home pissed? Why make people feel like they're an inconvenience just cos they choose to have kids? There are times when I really empathise with the way smokers are made to stand outside in the cold these days just because they want a fag. (See - now I have had to compare my kids to both warts and fags.)
If you don't want the risk of someone bringing their family, then just don't invite them at all. We'll get the message and cross you out of the address book. It's not like I'd bring them to the evening do and get them pissed up, after all?
And don't get me started on the mates who disappear from view forever and completely change their personality when they meet a girl/boy.
PS - Even though I have created my own spawn, I know the ultimate truth - that other people's kids are really annoying. Even the ones you like.
Ooh - that turned into a bit of a rant there. Sorry about that.
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