Because Rich made me curious, I tuned into the Harvey Goldsmith Get Your Act Together last night. It was great, hilarious because Mike Read suffers from severe delusions of grandeur if nothing else.
The story this week was about a commercial radio station in Frinton, Essex, of all places, probably a notch below Bexhill when it comes to lively. The Big L, as it is inexplicably called, is an AM station (in this day and age) broadcasting from above a building society in Frinton High Street, and its secret weapons are...Mike Read and 'Diddy' David Hamilton.
Now I used to have at least some time for Mike Read, however every time I see him a bit of goodwill is eroded. Last night was the final straw. He's possibly one of the most ridiculous men alive. He calls himself 'an ideas man', so therefore he knows best how to run this ailing, non-commmercial commercial radio station. But don't those ideas include failed musicals about Sir John Betjeman and other diasters?
I think the owners and the controller of the Big L were so intimidated by Mike insisting Harvey was wrong and what they were doing was okay, their play anything policy (which, incidentally, I applaud) was bound to be stolen by Classic Gold or some other jealous rival, that they felt it impossible to stand up to him.
He used to broadcast from the very building I'm writing from now, when Classic FM were in the basement. His stalker Tulip Rose Read used to stand outside. I also used to go to school in the depths of the Surrey countryside, and Mike lived in a lovely Victorian Gothic house a few minutes away. This was 1984 and he was still king of Britain's breakfast shows, despite the Relax debacle. But he was a nice man, and needless to say, knocking on the door and asking for a request was okay with him, and no one was ever turned away. And no, there was nothing dodgy going on. So I always had quite a lot of time for Mike.
But what a pathetic loser he's become. Lording it over everyone because he's been on national radio. If was that good he'd have been snapped up by Radio 2, but chances are he's so difficult to work with they rather not have the bother.
So Harvey ran out of patience with the station's lack of action, moving forward to try to make money, basically because Mike Read thought any idea of Harvey's was a bad idea and no one dared disagree with him. Mike is an ideas man after all. So good is he, that he broadcasts from above a shop in town where people go to die.
Haven't you done well Mike. You unlistenable twat.
6 comments:
I must say, last night's even surpassed the Saxon episode, at least they were game to Goldsmith's suggestions.
Mike 'ideas factory' Read; hmmm, as you say, if he has ideas why doesn't he use them? And he said 'it's not my job to raise the money', well if he could come up with some decent show ideas then the advertisers would come in because the listening figures would go up. Tosser, 'go do the math'.
He really can't grasp the concept that nobody wants him anymore, as you said, if he was any good he'd be doing a regular slot on Radio 2.
Both he and Hamilton were quite obviously happy to sit and piss the backers money up against the wall, happy in the knowledge that if the station folds they'll get a job somewhere else where they can trade on past glories. Well hopefully, this time, they've both finally pissed on their collective chips for good.
Oh, and what was the deal with Jimmy Cricket? He needs to understand that nobody laughs at Irish jokes these days, and most under-30s wouldn't have even understood the 'I bought a black and white dog because the licence was cheaper' gag.
Jon, you should have done what I did, and listened to the special show Big L mounted straight after the C4 programme, presumably to welcome with open arms all their new listeners.
It was pathetic. It consisted of a bitter Mike Read moaning non-stop about the programme and its "gross misrepresentation", threatening to punch whoever edited it (what about the person who decided to go on it, then) inbetween old Status Quo records.
I also used to have a lot of time for Mike Read - he could be funny, lively and clearly loads knows about music. Sadly, listening to his show last night showed exactly why he isn't on national radio any more. Someone emailed in from South Shields. Read immediately lapsed into a comedy Geordie accent. Radio 2 wouldn't touch him with a bargepole any more.
I also thought Big L had the germ of a good idea with the play anything policy.
But the whole thing was summed up when Harvey G came up with his "growing old disgracefully" concept, and Diddy David responded with, "how about this - More Music, More Fun?"
Chris - Wogan has been known to lapse into 'comedy' accents when reading out emails from Scotland, Wales, Liverpool etc etc.....
The thing with the 'play anything' policy is that, for example, Read is a huge Yes fan. So the prospect of listening to side 3 of Tales From Topographic Oceans doesn't really grab make for half decent ratings.
Fair enough Rich, although I'd say there's much more to Wogan than that; whereas there's little more to Read than that.
It instantly reminded me of the bit in The Nation's Favourite where Nicky Campbell complained that when he joined Radio 1, every time Read (and DLT) saw him, they'd shout "och aye the noo!" at him. It's so old school (ditto Read's timechecks on the show I heard last night - "id's wun after eleven!").
You're right that a 'play anything' format is a recipe for disaster if not managed properly. Clearly it wasn't being managed properly - the Chris bloke didn't appear to have a clue.
Don't forget this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/
entertainment/arts/3944431.stm
I didn't see the programme in question, but I always enjoy your outbursts of unexpurgated vitriol...
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