I notice Kate Moss has a perfume out called, simply 'Kate Moss'. Surely this should be called 'Spotty Raddled Old Junkie'. What on earth does it smell of - rinsed-out tights?
There are so many of these celebrity fragrances about at the moment. But who actually buys them? Why does anyone want to smell like a celebrity, and how do we actually know that what they smell like? For all we know, Angelina Jolie might smell of wee.
Jade Goody's fragrance was cleared from the shelves sharpish after her Celeb BB debacle, but what did THAT smell like? One shudders to think. Probably kebab or curry sauce sick.
What about Jordan's? Tits?
Cliff Richard had a perfume out, though I'm not sure if Miss You Nights is still going. I wondered if that smelt of leathery old sexually ambiguous bachelor with patchy back catalogue?
J-Lo has Glow, Britney has Curious (which probably smells of the shower block at the trailer park) and Sarah Jessica Parker has Lovely. Paris Hilton's got one too, which if you want to smell like a cross between miniature chihuahua and lived-in Beverly Hills jail cell then that's the scent for you.
Celine Dion...The Fragrance. This sounds nice and clean. Like a fresh breeze blowing through old Montreal.
Even Donald Trump has got one, which probably smells of wig glue.
So who's next?
How about Fiona Phillips. Smells of sweaty arses after sitting on leather sofas for too long, with a top notes of dumbfuckery.
Or Lucky Escape For Men by Richard Hammond. Smells of milking it.
I'm looking forward to the Pagan Man of the new century, Gordon by Gordon. It's only a matter of time. For rugged, rugger types who aren't afraid to show their feminine side by cooking a fry up. Smells of fury and foie gras.
Everyone's got one except me. I'm going to have it created. Smells of tea, pork pies, wine, bananas and mince.
Five-Centres. Kills 99 per cent of household germs. Dead!
4 comments:
Mmmm.
My sister says the Agent Provocateur perfume smells 'bummy'. Perhaps this is intentional.
Bring back Tramp, I say. Although, come to think of it, a tramp is not something anyone would wish to smell of, in either sense of the word.
I have a friend who always smells of Elastoplast. It's quite nice really.
i had a friend who always smelled of deep heat. i quite like it. makes me think of days off school because of bad backs etc.
by the way, spears' perfume smells almost exactly like an old perfume the body shop used to do. can't remember the name but the label was bright pink…
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