Empire Building No.2

I was off yesterday having what turned out to be quite a painful filling. Just what you need the morning after the Empire Awards. It wasn't so much the procedure itself - in fact I didn't feel a thing - it was the four injections around the tooth. And it was the back tooth so I had to open my mouth so wide i worried my eyes might roll back into my head.

Anyhoo, it's not that you want to hear about but the Empire Awards.

Well, they're an enjoyable sit down do. We were just behind Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter (the only woman in the room in a hat). They're a couple of eccentrics. He was flanked for most of the eveing by two youngish girls, who must be PAs or assistants or even maybe just friend, but they were very attentive - to the point that they were irritating me. The bizarre entourage also included a big biker type with a huge white beard and a Buster Bloodvessel lookalike who's probably a driver called Tony or something. HB-C came very late, just in time for her Best Actress gong, fortuitously. Odd that she won that, as I'd not seen her nominated for that prize anywhere else.

They're an odd awards, as you can't help wondering if they see who's in town then shoehorn them in. Russell Crowe was the big draw of the night, but really, what a wanker. He was receiving the Best Actor of Our Generation or some such made up toss - he's in town promoting State of Play; how convenient. Although I saw his name on the table list he wasn't seated, and came in out of the wings to collect, read a Kipling poem, and left. Billy Bragg presented and I've gone right off him now as he recalled nights jamming on the guitar and introduced Crowe as a 'fellow musician'. He left at once too. That's not really getting in the spirit of things is it. Consequently, every person came up to present or receive an award took the piss. James McAvoy, who looks about 12, was particularly good at this. There was also much Christian Bale pastiching, too.

It's packed with stars, mostly minor ones, the odd biggie. We had fags with Sean Bean, Viggo Mortenson (dreadful lank long grey hair), saw lots of up and comings like Joseph Mawle, Gemma Arterton, Hayley Attwell, Jim Sturgess, Gerard Butler, Jodie Whittaker, Luke Treadaway, Olga Kurylenka, Danny Mays, Dominic West, all the In The Loop crowd, etc., but what it's best for is directors. It's director heaven: Tim Burton, Guy Ritchie, Paul Greengrass, Danny Boyle and Shane Meadows were all in attendance. It's much more of film buffs do rather than a celebrity one, though they TV contingent turnout was good. Mark Strong went right down in my estimation when, on seeing the fans camped out the front of the hotel, asked if there was another, private smoking area for VIPs. They made you what you are, Mark, never forget it.

The aftershow party was as usual way too loud so we didn't stay long. Just enough time to cram into the smoking area where, as usual, the interesting people are. Nice goody bag, no hangover and disappointingly no Emma Watson being groped by her frankly much older boyfriend.