I have a new hate figure.
Well, he's not new exactly. I've always thought he was a tit, but recently he's confirmed it.
Who am I talking about? Gok Wan, that's who.
Mrs F-C is quite a fan of his makeover show Gok's Fashion Fix. But the minute I hear my first 'girlfriend', 'zjusshy' (if that's how it's spelt) or 'bangers', I'm seething with fury. I buried myself in a book last night, which is far preferable to the coffin I would have been buried in after dying through sheer irritation having sat through the show.
Now I'm sure Gok's perfectly lovely in real life, but does he have reel out this sing-song ubercamp faux sisterly advice to dumpy women from Rochdale, putting them through fashion parades and shopping trips to Evans. It's not what he does though, which I'm sure they're all grateful for, it's what he's saying while he's doing it. His litany of catchphrases like 'you go girl' and all his various names for breasts other than breasts really gets on my, well, tits.
So all that, plus his bonkers clothes, his silly earring and the addition of Brix Smith to the show - I have one of her singles from when she was in the Adult Net - make this the most infuriating hour on TV.
Just as well it's not aimed at me.
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I was forced to watch this show for the first time with my visiting parents last night. The consensus was:
Dad - How can British TV have got even worse, why does anyone watch this and what kind of a stupid earring is that?
Mum - that woman looks like a complete tramp now he's made her wear that and what do gay men know about women anyway?
Me - argh!
He looks like Kate Silverton.
Funnily enough, I saw it last night for the first time last night as well. Mrs T assures me that the show has two things going for it:
1) It doesn't rely on humiliating people for entertainment, like Trinny & Susannah do
2) It promotes the useful idea that you can dress well without spending a fortune on expensive 'fashion', provided you follow some simple principles
Having said that, there is something enormously punchable about Gok.
I'm hospital visiting at the moment, and having to go to bed early. Gok was my only ten minutes of telly last night. Jesus.
What makes it worse is that he's from Leicester. Which means whenever he goes back the local telly news are there sucking him off. Like the other week when his ninja brother (no, really) organised some sort of charity fundraiser. Cue female roving reporter making tons of remarks about how carefully she chose her wardrobe. Again.
Even more reasons to hate him. Matt - LOL. BA - LOL as ever.
He's a self-serving nob. "Ooo, it doesn't matter if you're twenty stone, you can still look FABULOUS. PS Don't mention that I used to be really fat and hated myself which is why I'm now skinny and FABULOUS." Plus, when we used to employ him here, he was ALWAYS too busy to do anything for charity, even things that would take just ten minutes – yet was always free for anything that paid him his absurdly high hourly rate. Greedy, and with the worst agent in the world.
Also, one of those gay men who thinks that, just cos they're gay, it's fine to grab any woman's tits without a by-your-leave.
Aside from that: love him.
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