Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore

Regular readers will know how much I've loathed GMTV in the past. Its hateful presenters, its showbiz frippery, its Daily Mailesque look at Britain and its horrible weather map.

Lately, however, and to my horror, I've found myself eschewing BBC Breakfast (Bill and Sian have started to grate) for the DFS nightmare that is GMTV again. But already I've had enough.

Ben Shephard remains a giant baby who thinks interrupting politicians equates to hard-hitting interviewing, boss-eyed Kate Garraway is back from maternity leave with an even bigger air of superiority, and Andrew Castle is still too old to be wearing so much gel in his hair. Someone really should tell him pinstripes are out.

I don't mind Emma Crosby, though, who's too new to irritate. She's very easy on the eye and the ear, and as she settles in takes the piss out of Andrew Castle with the goodwill of Britain behind her. But that new Scottish weathergirl is ghastly. Where do they find them? I thought the one on the BBC was bad enough. Carol, I believe she's called, with her 'Hello Billy!' retorts and the BBC's desperate teaming of her with dancing goblin Chris Hollins which has utterly failed to capture the imagination of the nation.

Anyway, what's finally turned me off again is the news agenda. It bears no relation to any news on any other channel. It's often leads with an American story, which is about a serial killer or a shooting, because I believe they think because it's American therefore it's immediately fascinating.

Today for example, the second news story was a shooting in Washington State. I don't know about you, but I don't think what's happening in downtown Tacoma is of that much interest to your average viewer in Rochdale, Caerphilly or Falkirk. That's more like a number nine item, if it's an item at all. The whole under-performing hospitals thing was lost among Susan Boyle's album sales (yes, I did download Wild Horses), who's out of I'm A Celebrity...and Jonathan Swain live outside a school in Essex, in the pitch dark with nothing to see or anyone to interview. A complete waste of time.

But I'll be flicking over on occasion until the New Year, because for some reason GMTV always makes me feel Christmassy, and now that ITV have the majority shareholder stake in it I sense a rather large refresh.

At least Fiona Phillips has gone. And oh look, she's not working.


Chris Hughes said...

Don't read this piece about FP in today's Guardian, then, in which she outlines her "political ambitions".

I like how the bit where she slags off Watchdog for being too "middle class" and how she'd like to do an ITV version... and in the same paragraph goes on about helping out a reader of her Mirror column with her "gym membership".

I hate BBC Breakfast, too - it only gets away with it because GMTV is worse. I hate the way every item is presented in the same, lightweight "now, a new survey out today reveals" fashion, the rentaquote guests and the awful emails.

And why do they have to do the weather from outdoors?

Five-Centres said...

I'm saving that until later Chris. I can't take it at the moment.

Why does everything have to be outside. It's meant to add variety and in-the-momentness but more often than not it adds nothing at all.

Matthew Rudd said...

Mornings belong to the radio. I haven't switched a pre-9am television programme on for years.

Chris Hughes said...

Yes, presumably there's an element of showing the weather at first hand - but they don't do it after the Ten O'Clock News, do they, so I don't see the point in the morning.

It just adds to the annoying never-ending interplay between the presenters: "Now to the weather with Carol, Carol, it looks pretty cold out there!" "Yes Bill, brrr, it really is quite chilly out here!" "Ho ho, glad I'm here in the warm studio!" "Yes, certainly everyone should wrap up warm today!" And so on.

Five-Centres said...

I do have the radio on while I'm having my breakfast, Matt, but not in the bedroom, although this morning I popped Sarah Kennedy on in the vain hope i might hear Jon & Vangelis.

I hate that banter, it's so fake, and so time consuming.

Clair said...

Emma Crosby is AWFUL. I couldn't take any more of her when she said to an actress 'And I believe you're SCOTTISH, aren't you?', as if it were a disability. Mind you, I hate the way Bill Turnbull always asks his showbiz interviewees embarrassing financial questions, like an uncle at Christmas saying 'Well, YOU'RE doing alright for yourself; what are you on now, 30k?'.

Dr Jane said...

If left to my own devices I'd have complete peace and quiet in the morning in the house with no radio or TV at all. But I'm not so have to suffer Breakfast, which actually makes me shout at the television - generally "this is not news!" at whatever shit items they have going on. The last time I watched it that big tit Richard was doing some godawful piece about basic first aid. I hate them all.

Five-Centres said...

What would be a nice way to start the day? The sound of waves lapping the shore as someone sets a breakfast day on the terrace?


Clair said...

You want The Landscape Channel back, you do.

Bright Ambassador said...

It's always on when we go for our first tea break at work. One of my colleagues really fancies that Emma Crosby, but in a 'I'd-take-her-out-for-a-lovely-meal-and-hold-hands-with-her-for-a-month' way which irrtates me. So to irritate him back I just say "Cor, I'd love to take her up the old dirtbox, eh, know worra mean, eh? Phwooar!" or a more subtle "I'd like to come on her face." I do it because I hate him, clearly.

Stuart Ian Burns said...

I'm pleased to see so much morning tv hate. I thought it was just me.

I graduated to the Today programme years ago.

Why would I want to watch Bill Turnbull looking down at his clasped hands in a serious manner for six thousandth time when I can hear John Humphries strip Ed Balls of his dignity again instead?