Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Jeremy Irons, Derek Fowlds, Holly Aird


How often do you change your sheets?

That's a shock question, isn't it? Probably not as often as you think you do. I should say we're very regular - better than we used to be certainly. I think I was jolted into reality when a friend told me he didn't change his sheets at university for two years. And he was entertaining more often than not. I felt bilious and went home and did a lot of laundry. I've carried on doing that ever since.

Of course having a cleaner who does your ironing helps. I know it's horribly middle class but we don't want to do it so we're happy to pay someone else to. She didn't start off ironing but she offered. She likes it. The nutjob. But she's good at it and she does sheets, and as we all know there's nothing quite so comforting as slipping into freshly ironed clean sheets.

We've never been good at cleaning or ironing. Mrs F-C has ironed perhaps twice in 19 years. Thank God for today's low temperatures. It's pure laziness. I'm sure my parents balk at coming to see us because they think our house is a tip. When I told my mum we had moths some years back she immediately said 'it's dust'. Translation: you don't clean enough.

Don't get me wrong; we don't live in squalor as those who have been to F-C Mansions will testify. But of course there's the odd forgotten corner that never sees a broom and probably never will. I hoovered under our bed the other day. Apart from finding six pairs of slippers, numerous cat toys and a bolero cardigan with leg-o-mutton sleeves, a Starsky collar and Punch & Judy appliques on it, there was enough dust to open a dust shop under there. Note to self: do that more often. In fact, no. Note to cleaner: do that more often.

I don't think it would cross her mind actually. She's a terrible corner cutter, but we mustn't grumble. Rather her than me. It's a dirty job, etc., etc.

21 comments:

Ishouldbeworking said...

A hippy in a student house I once shared never changed his bedding, ever. We used to dare people to go into his room and lie on his top-sheet. He made the whole place smell of hamsters.

I tried having a cleaner once, when I was doing three different jobs and had no time. Hated it. That whole thing of someone strange, poking round your stuff. Plus, I got the cleaner who felt it was in her remit to ask me if I believed in God.

Five-Centres said...

Luckily our cleaner speaks very little English and is completely trustworthy. What could be finer?

Matthew Rudd said...

We also send out the ironing, to a rather well-to-do lady who does it as a sideline to the business she and her husband run. She has a soft top sports car so I can only assume she does it through a severe love for ironing as it can't be for the eight quid a week we give her. My mum loves ironing too. She thrives on it.

We did have a cleaner for a short while but it didn't work out timings-wise, especially when I was on earlies (which I am again). So now the NB does the cleaning from top to bottom on Saturdays while I'm at football. There's some stereotype reinforcing within a marriage for you right there.

Cleaning always puts her in a right stinker of a mood too, even if the house isn't in a bad way.

Dan Worth said...

I actually changed mine last night, for the first time in, well, a little while. Must be the time of year.

Graham Kibble-White said...

Sheets? Every Sunday. Is that more or less often than you?

Five-Centres said...

Yes, we're weekly. Now.

Cocktails said...

No one irons sheets surely. No one. What a ridiculous idea!

Five-Centres said...

Time to get yourself a little treasure that does, Cocktails

Mondo said...

My mum's a serial ironer. Loves it. But her mum was part of that housecoat generation, who were doing this all day long for much larger families - so a few shirts and scraps seems nothing by comparison..

Launderettes - I'm amazed they're still about, there's two with in a mile of me - and we're not a student town either.

Five-Centres said...

There are two near me aswell. And they're always full. I've not done my washing in one for about 20 years. I used to hate it, sitting there waiting. And then I discovered the service wash.

Most seem to have dry cleaners in them nowadays, and that's my reason for going.

Bright Ambassador said...

I love ironing, me. To me, along with sitting on the toilet and being bored at work, it's where I do my best thinking. I do draw the line at ironing bed sheets though, what's the point? They only get creased the minute you go to bed. Ironing sheets is the slippery slope towards ironing socks and undercrackers.

Five-Centres said...

If you go to a hotel the sheets are ironed. At home, my mum used iron sheets. I never, ever have, but there is no feeling like crisp, clean, freshly ironed sheets.

Imagine getting into crumpled sheets in a hotel. You'd demand to see the manager and have the housekeeper sacked.

TimT said...

Our cleaner had a stroke two weeks ago (not brought on by cleaning our house, I should point out). She’s been with Mrs T for nigh on 20 years, so now we face the trauma of finding a new cleaner. (I doubt Mrs T even knows where the Hoover lives in our house.)

I never had a cleaner when I was single, but now I couldn’t manage without one, sadly. Though I have been doing my best to keep the house from descending into total squalor for the past couple of weeks.

Cocktails said...

The trick to not ironing sheets (which is ludicrous and I stand by this) is to hang them correctly on the washing line in the first place. If they go on taunt, they will not come off rumpled.

Bright Ambassador said...

I don't live in a hotel.

Five-Centres said...

Me neither, but I like their sheets policy.

Ishouldbeworking said...

My Mum used to iron her tea towels. Beat that.

Simon said...

I always start off a batch of ironing with tea towles as our steam iron sometimes belches out a load of limescale on first use, so that way nothing too vital has to be washed again.

Bright Ambassador said...

My mum used to iron tea towels AND dishcloths, 'because they fold better in the drawer.'

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