People I hate - Part 2

Cat Deeley: Furry-faced Brummie no-mark who's coasted on the tails of Ant and Dec and patronises on Stars In Their Eyes. Hasn't done an interview in years lest she be outed as a lesbian, not that anyone would care. Now big in America. There really is no justice.

Prince Harry: You're posh and privileged, but I won't be so predictable as to hate you for that. Or for being ginger. It's that cocky grin, your ostenatious nights out and your chavvy girlfriend, plus your pretend soldiering. If anyone will be remembered for hurting the Royal family, it'll be you. Hope they put you on latrine duty.

Russell Brand: Where do I start? Looks like a woman with a beard. Wears the same clothes all the time. Daftest persona ever invited. That voice. I could go on. The most ridiculous man alive in Britain today.

Davina McCall: An easy target, I know, but does anyone really like her? She's like a parody of herself, one that pops out one poor tot after another, and with that dopey hulk of a washed-up TV presenter of a husband they're the first couple of irritation. Get her off our screens now. She's hates people.

Sharon Osbourne: No one likes you, you don't like anyone. A superannuated Davina McCall who pretends to be all warm and mumsy, but is in fact a ice cool gorgon who'll stop at nothing to get what she wants. A nightmare. And falling apart before your very eyes.

Dermot O'Leary: Thick-as-pigshit with a teenager's haircut, snidely settling into the adult world of television, but with nothing but a few laboured catchphrases to go on, he's going nowhere fast. Parents do not like him. What's he doing on the Radio? He's never heard of anything pre-1999.

Martin McCutcheon: What's the point of her? Delusions of grandeur have meant she's missed the boat with two careers and blown more chances than you can shake a stick at. Now washes up as a judge on a downmarket singing contest. A nasty bit of work to boot. What'll you do now Martine? And to think, you were once such a nice girl.

The overly-friendly man in Pret a Manger: I'm fine thank you, can we just leave it at that? The minute people start to get friendly in shops and recognise you as a regular, I go elsewhere. I do not want to inanely chat with a complete stranger.

Mark Lamaar: Comes across as plain rude. Exclusive, elitist and a bore.

Bradley Walsh: You can always go back to gameshow hell, you know. Don't get any big ideas.

Shane Richie: As above.

Jessie Wallace: Sigh.