Friday, May 23, 2008

Lettuce get one thing clear...

There's a very annoying KFC advert on rotation at the moment, where a man speaks in a film trailer voice while describing his KFC burger. What's meant to be the clincher is that it's got bacon in it. This is followed by a supersize Phill Jupitus voiceover where he describes this whatever-it-is creation (it has a name, but I can't recall it), and that it comes in a 'bakehouse bun' with 'Battavia lettuce'.

Now I don't know aobut you, but I don't know what a bakehouse bun is, and I bet about 99% of the people of Britain don't know either. And nor should I imagine, do they care.

The same goes for the lettuce. I've not heard of battavia lettuce, just the usual romaine, cos, little gem, etc. But that aside, do KFC seriously think people are sitting at home going 'Ooh, Battavia lettuce - well that's swung it. Fire up the Sierra, Margaret! We're off to KFC'.

No, it's their way of making this high-fat low-nutrition concoction seem less fast foody, more foodie, and therefore better for you. But with all this talk of fancy buns and unusual lettuces, they're fooling no one. I wonder how many calories their 'special sauce' contains. They don't mention that, do they?

I'm not a fast food person. I used to love it. There was a McDonalds in Guildford when I was at school and we went there every Wednesday afternoon, where I always had the chicken burger. I never had a Big Mac because I didn't like the gherkin (I like them now). But then after working a stint in a branch of McDonalds as a student, I very quickly went off fast food altogether. You don't even want to know what went on, but as I'm sure you can imagine, it was vile. Reading Fast Food Nation also helps.

Since then I must have had probably about two burgers in seven years, which involved Mrs F-C and I dropping into the drive-thru Burger King near the Savacentre in Colliers Wood, scoffing a large one and gorging on the onion rings (which are actually really really good). Generally, however, we give it a miss.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant about the lettuce, really.


Phil Norman said...

I was somehow shielded from the MacDonald's first wave as a child, and was too old to be seduced by Hamburglar and his marry men, so I've never seen burgers as anything more than some minced beef in a soggy roll with a bit of greaseproof paper over the top. I think they have to get you young.

Having said that, my home town was dominated for years by a towering concrete edifice housing a Wimpy's at the top. Although Wimpy's isn't really fast food, is it? You get a fork and everything.

They still talk of you at the Collier's Wood Savacentre to this day, you know.

Roman Empress said...

A friend of mine thinks the McDonald's fillet-o-fish tastes of 'sweaty pants' but I love them with their e-numbered stenched tartare sauce slathered on top. Where can you *buy* sauce like that? I often drool when I walk past a McDonald's and if I'm alone, I think, well no-one will know if I just have one. I won't mention it.

It seems unclean though - a pleasure that will come back to haunt me - if I dare to stoop. Like I might lose my home, my job, my whatever, so I don't. Bloody tempting though.

A Kitten in a Brandy Glass said...

I go to Burger King about once every two years, always when drunk, and have the Veggie Whopper. McDonald's, on the other hand, I last went to in 1997, and the terribleness of it lives on in my memory.

On a totally different topic, I thought of you today when one of my Internet mates posted some pics she scanned from a 1972 furniture catalogue. I think this would be IDEAL for the bistro. Also, perhaps this for your lounge? (Angst-ridden model not included in price.)

Matthew Rudd said...

I still get the odd McDonald's urge, and feed my face. I don't like KFC at all and tend to eschew Burger King too. Two rights make a wrong, then...

Planet Mondo said...

There's a Wimpy near me(I'm still partial to a Classic Grill).

McDonalds, I'm take or leave since they dropped root beer. On the last 2 occasions I've had a Burger King both were tepid and tasteless. And I don't get Subway's synthetic sandwiches at all.

KFC chips with tons of salt are one of the best ever hangover cures.

Five-Centres said...

That's quite perfect Kitten, especially as I've got to thinking that menu could have a Scandanavian bent. Or indeed, fondues are made for that set.

That is actually a picture of my lounge, with Liv Ullmann playing a camera-shy Mrs F-C.

Great pic - are all the models doing this sort of thing? She looks like she's just discovered her husband's sordid affair with that leggy little bitch from the office.

Perhaps Ingmar Bergman was the photographer.

Anonymous said...

"No, it's their way of making this high-fat low-nutrition concoction seem less fast foody, more foodie, and therefore better for you."

Yeah, and they are failing miserably, even with a lard arse like me!

Heavenly Demise said...

We all know the burgers are made from the meat of stray dogs. MacDonalds have a whole team of trained dog catchers who deliver their catchings every friday afternoon after the sun has gone down. The Dogs Trust are really mad about it.