Monday, June 01, 2009

It's not grow and bloom it's bloom and grow


Well we had great seats. Right behind the judges. On screen we'd have been just to the left of Piers Morgan, thankfully out of camera shot. There's nothing worse then being the lumpen daftie unaware of the amount of screen time they have. Just track down Eightiesmania and look for the man in the Frankie Says... T-shirt if you need proof.

So it was the night that poor little Hollie lost it. I could see it coming. The words were escaping her, she was losing her timing. Then the floodgates opened. That was exciting because I've never seen anyone lose their composure in all the live talent shows I've ever seen. It's like going to a wedding where one of them doesn't turn up or someone actually does have a good reason why this man cannot be joined to this woman. I've always wanted that to happen. Come on, someone! By the bypass, I reckon Hollie's a bit of a brat. Look what happened when she didn't get her own way.

Anyway, good for Simon Cowell, for it was he who went off and sorted it all out so she could be indulged again. I reckoned he paid for the lost ad revenue out of his own pocket. The only way they could fit her in again was to cut short the ads - something usually unheard of as it costs so much. So if he did, what a nice man. But those Cuban heels have GOT to go. He's short with a big head. Piers Morgan looked far more suave than on the telly.

Talking of big heads, Amanda Holden strutted around like some sort of princess, preening and purring and waving at the crowd constantly. It's not that she's got the common touch at all. She lost that ages ago. No, she's a bit of an I am.

Someone asked me earlier who the acts were, and apart from Hollie, family singing sensation Good Evans and the winning breakdancing boy (who was very good), and I couldn't remember. Still, we had a super time, and were cracking open the wine by 11.30 while we whizzed through the show hoping we didn't appear on screen. And we didn't.

So Diversity won it and Susan Boyle's in a mental home. All over for another year.

9 comments:

Chris Hughes said...

I'm still banking on you doing your musical cookery act next year.

Maybe it could be Faces Of Cuisine, with you wearing oversized masks of Graham Kerr and the Cooking Canon.

TimT said...

The big question is: did you cheer and boo on cue, along with the rest of the audience?

We ran a competition to win tickets for the same night, and in the Ts and Cs it actually said that if you won, you were obliged to ‘enter into the spirit of the show’ - presumably anyone who sat on their hands with a scowl on their face faced being ejected by security.

Five-Centres said...

Oh yes, TT, you get very much told off and publicly humiliated if you don't get up and give a standing ovation/clap along/wave your hands etc. I've never clapped so much in my life. It's so false and the warm up man is a horrible, boorish, foul-mouthed thug. You missed nothing.

LF Barfe said...

Who was the warm-up man? Name and shame.

Five-Centres said...

Ian someone. Not sure of the surname.

TimT said...

Someone’s not quacking...

(Have you ever told that story here? If not, I think it deserves a wider audience. Mrs T and I can still send each other giddy with laughter just by quoting those three words...)

Five-Centres said...

I must have done. If not, I will at some stage. That's the feeling I get at studio audience things. I'm just not a natural Mexican waver.

LF Barfe said...

Looks like it might be Ian Royce - http://twitter.com/Royceywarmup.

Bright Ambassador said...

Is it just me, or was Hollie putting on a bit of an act? I think she knew what she was doing.

And Cowell a 'nice man'? Jesus...

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