Monday, June 08, 2009

Quite Cross Monday

I was shocked Yasmina won The Apprentice, but by the end Kate was coming across as rather smug so the right person won in the end. Not keen on any of those chocolates though. Anyone for a CocoElectric? I bet they were mainly praslines.

Anyhoo, while we're all reeling from the news the Margaret Moutford, the woman who can fell a forest by raising just one eyebrow, is leaving the show and won't appear in the next series because she wants to concentrate her energies on reading ancient manuscripts (what's wrong with knitting or keep fit?), let's talk about some things currently annoying me on TV.

1. People clapping themselves
This never used to happen. People knew when to show modesty on games shows. But now, everyone blindly claps themselves like brain-damaged baby seals. You see it everywhere. Perhaps they hear clapping and thing they have to join in - especially on TV shows where they make you clap until you're palms bleed. But I don't think think it's a conditioning thing. People are quite keen to celebrate themselves, and have no compunction about showing how marvelous they think they are in public. I never clap. Ever.

2. Newsreaders introducing the sportscaster or weatherman by their first name only
Like we know who these people are. 'Here's Liam with the weather', says Huw Edwards, like we're old friends with 'Liam'. Or perhaps, 'Here's Olly with the sport'. 'Olly who?', I'm asking, almost hysterical. This has annoyed me as far back as when John Craven used to say: 'Here's Lucy with a report', way back when. But I suppose for children it's okay and less forbidding to refer to someone this way. But we're adults, and I don't know Olly or Liam. They are not my friends or family. This must stop.

3. TV shows presented by the 'whatever' generation
We've already covered this a few posts back.

4. Adrian Chiles
Who told this bag of semolina in a Pat Codd wig he was a good TV presenter? His understated Brumminess drags me down. He dulls down every show he touches. What that co-presenter (beat me on the bottom with a) Christine Bleakley ever saw in him is anybody's guess. He belongs on the radio.

5. Celebrity travelogues

I know this annoys a lot of people, but it annoys me most. Are we not likely to tune in to a programme about travel unless Eddie Waring's showing us 'his' Poland, or June Brown pilots an airship over the Gobi Desert? It's absurd. Stephen Tompkinson was ballooning over Africa last night. Anyone could have done that. Why do we need him to do it? Why do we have to have Paul Merton in Indian, Griff Rhys Jones in New York or Amanda bloody Holden in South Korea? Enough already. We coped when John Carter went to Singapore on Holiday 72, and we can cope again.

I'm glad I'm going on holiday on Thursday.


Ishouldbeworking said...

Like the generator of many a good original idea, Michael Palin could be indirectly blamed for the glut of watery, insubstantial 'celebrity' travelogues that have followed in his wake. I saw one of the Paul Merton ones and it was truly terrible - and I imagine he's far from the worst of the current bunch.

As for clapping - totally agree. I went to a comedy benefit about fifteen years ago, at which the audience was invited by Simon Fanshawe to 'give yourselves a round of applause for coming along tonight'. I was sitting in the front row, and my exclamation of 'oh for fuck's sake' was clearly heard by Mr F. It didn't stop him ploughing grimly on with his unfunny brand of comedy for a good few years after that, though. You can't win 'em all.

Simon said...

I'm generally with you on those, except:
1. Aren't they just generally encouraged to do so by the programme makes?
2. Who cares what they're called? Skip the intro altogether.
4. He's alright. There's a lot worse people on tv than Chiles. Michael McIntyre for instance.

A Kitten in a Brandy Glass said...

I don't object to Adrian Chiles, but now that I've stopped watching anything Apprentice-related, I never actually see him. To me, The One Show is something that happens to other people.

Planet Mondo said...

I've never watched The Apprentice, I don't see why Sugar is regarded as such a guru - he's built a legacy based on technological tat. Amstrad was a joke brand selling market-quality items.

And isn't it a bit insensitive with the highest level of unemployment in decades, redundancies and the 'your job may be at at risk' emails doing the rounds, to have a show with the catchphrase 'you're fired'..

Generally those comedy travelouges are dull, dreary and feel forced to be funny

Valentine Suicide said...

Stewart Lee recently referred to Chiles as "a Toby jug full of warm piss".

As he (Chiles) is a West Bromwich Albion supporter, I have to agree.

Matthew Rudd said...

Chiles is great. He strikes me as real. He doesn't add any gloss to his persona when the camera's on. He is better at certain stuff though, and you not being a football person will not have seen how exceptional he is on Match of the Day.

I managed three minutes of the Tompkinson travelogue, then left the room. It was like watching floorboards warp.

Five-Centres said...

I still think Chiles is bland. I don't know how he gets away with it.