Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Are you a vegetarian?

I don't mean to offend you, but isn't it a bit of a joyless existence? I couldn't cope. Not that I eat meat every day, but when I do it always goes down a treat. I have various friends who are veggie and have been for some years. What they eat varies, but it's a mix of vegetarian and pescatarian. At least if you've fish in your diet there's some variation. But all vegetables, all the time? I think not.

I once worked with a fruitarian. She looked like Jim Carrey in The Mask, but she made great cakes. It actually transpired that she had an eating disorder, so the whole fruitarian thing was a cover. But she only ate fruit, and fruit that had fallen naturally from trees, which meant it was more or less rotten when it hit the ground.

And what about vegans? You can't even eat honey! What a limited diet that is. And so untasty and boring - no cheese! Shriek! A vegan diet can only be for people who have no interest AT ALL in food. If you did, you'd eat more stuff.

We have some friends who are real foodies, but pescatarian. On Saturday we discussed whether they've thought of eating meat again, and despite being veggie for more than 20 years, they have. They can't resist the smell of bacon cooking. And they're not the only ones. I have several friends who've eyed up steak and chips on the next table and then ordered it and not looked back, one of which was an non-meat-eater for nearly 30 years. He wondered why he'd wasted his time.

Yes I know it's cruel, etc., and I've read Fast Food Nation and eschew burger chains, but it's certainly tasty. Just don't think too hard about it. You need your protein.

I get really cross when I read about professional veggies like the late Linda McCartney, her husband Paul and especially the lank-haired, leather-clad, humourless scowlbag Chrissie Hynde, demanding people in the same room as her don't eat meat because she doesn't like it and being abusive about it. She should have a chicken baguette and then she might be able to crack a smile. Isn't she ghastly? She's a whole other post. So prickly. Anyway, okay, be a vegetarian, but don't force it down other's throats. There's a steak and kidney pudding in the way

And if you don't like meat so much, why are so many convenience foods made to resemble it? And I say this as a fan of Quorn.

Yes, dishes without meat can be very tasty indeed, if cooked well, and there's lots of things to choose from, but let's face it, it's a fad.

Man cannot live by pulses alone.


A Kitten in a Brandy Glass said...

I've been veggie for a good fifteen years (after a slow going-off-it process, rather than a right-that's-it epiphany) and I love food, eat out all the time and have a very varied diet. Meat and fish are almost the only two kinds of food I don't like!

I've always supposed that fake meat products are aimed at people who've given it up for health or moral reasons, but as someone who just doesn't like the taste, I steer well clear of Quorn and the like, and get very snobby when people imagine I might want to eat it.

Five-Centres said...

I thought of you while writing this Kitten, as I know what a foodie you are and wondered how you could do it and not eat meat.

But I suppose if you don't like the taste, that's another matter entirely.

Clair said...

Never trust a man whose idea of a square meal is two Pot Noodles, a bag of Haribo and a bottle of Cab Sauv.

BPP said...



I ... whu ... bu ...

*vomits over a word*

Five-Centres said...

You could always try demi-veg if that doesn't make you feel to queasy, BPP.

Bright Ambassador said...

I watched a documentary about Canadian eskimos recently, they didn't give Paul McCartney much truck with his crusade on the ban on seal hunting. Good for them, they've eaten seal for thousands of years, why should some spoilt rock star say what they should and shouldn't eat?

Q. What do vegetarian worms eat?
A. *To be sung to tune of jingle* Linda Mc-Cart-ney!

Ishouldbeworking said...

Chrissie Hynde once apparently asked to be moved on a plane, because the person in the seat behind her was eating a non-vegetarian option and apparently 'meat eaters give off bad karma'.

I wonder what it says about your karma when two of your band members die from smack overdoses?

I love meat, me.

Mondo said...

I could never be a veggie - meat's just too tasty, and I can't stand trad-vegetables you know carrots, peas, brussels all that faff.

Mrs M was a veggie until the cat fell ill, and she tried to revive him with some chicken from the chip shop but couldn't resist the flavoursome waft (and I did egg her on to have a nibble) - she was back on the beef in no time and says she's never felt better.

Cocktails said...

I don't like slabs of red meat and anything that is in danger of being mixed with offal or floor scrapings. This makes BBQs difficult - but I've learned to live with them (BBQs that is) you'll be pleased to know.

Sky Clearbrook said...

My mum and sister have been vegetarian for around twenty years now.

I decided to try it in 1992. Around ten days into it, I went out and got impossibly drunk. Inevitably, I got the traditional hunger pangs and ended up wolfing down a doner kebab. Mind you, whether a doner actually contains meat is another debate altogether.

Quack quack fucking oops.