Wednesday, September 16, 2009

National Hate Figure

Apart from postal strikes (The Word is now two weeks late), one thing guaranteed to make my blood boil is the woman formerly known as Jordan.

In order to get the press spotlight back on herself she's revealed she was raped, apparently by a celebrity. Is there nothing this woman won't do to gain attention? This ghastly piece of vitriol wrapped in plastic can't stand it that estranged husband Peter Andre is getting not only the sympathy but all the good press. For a woman who spills her guts every time someone opens a fridge door anywhere in the world, this won't do at all.

So despite there not being anything that could be dredged up from her past that we don't know about, she's revealed this innermost secret, surely something most women would not want broadcast. But not her, she'll stop at nothing. It's all over the papers today of course, and she'll be sitting at home basking in the glory. Any sympathy evaporated long ago, not only from me but from the public at large. I may sound harsh. Rape is a terrible thing, but with Jordan it's merely another weapon in her armoury in the war for publicity.

We know about her other rapes, her miscarriages, her sexual shenanigans and the colour of her horsebox. Nothing is off limits, though she doesn't want to talk about it. Oh alright then, if it means she's back in the tabloids. I once almost thought she was okay, a canny businesswoman and good mother who built up the Jordan brand, milked it for all it was worth while she could and made a load of cash out of it. That she did, but she's revealed herself to be an absolute monster. I bet Peter couldn't get out fast enough. Now she's dragging round that doltish porn star. If he doesn't have a brain (which is likely), then that's probably okay with her.

She's ghastly, shallow, fake, graceless, hard-nosed and mean, and a bad mother. Don't be fooled.


office pest said...

So, F-C, I take it you won't be watching the new History Channel documentary series "Renaissance Women" with Katie Price and Kerry Katona then?

Bright Ambassador said...

Is 'the colour of her horsebox' a euphemism?

You know my feelings on her. Rape is terrible crime, as she should know, so why go out with a bloke who makes rape fantasy films for a living?

My Word's late too. I rang them yesterday and they're sending out another, so I fully expect to be the proud owner of two Word mags in about a month's time. It's putting me off subscribing if those Pinkos at the Post Office are going to start striking every two minutes because they refused to be dragged into the 21st Century.

Cocktails said...

But she's a feminist icon, F-C, a role model for a generation of young women. We should all love and admire her, don't you think? She practically DESERVES our love.

Poor fool.

Ishouldbeworking said...

Cocktails is right. Every time a man spills his seed over a picture of her Spacehopper boobs, it's savvy old Jordan who's having the last laugh.

She's empowered a generation of young women to take out bank loans at 18 and get their very own ginormo-norks. Men are cowed into quivering subservience by those, you know. And that's got to be good.

I revere her.

Five-Centres said...

Every commentator I've read today thinks it's a cynical ploy too. The woman's a nightmare.

Matthew Rudd said...

This is the best collection of responses to any blog post ever.

Bright Ambassador said...

I've just looked at the Statcounter results for my blog and someone came to it using the following search: "Were dose Katie Price get her tracksuit bottoms from".
I presume it means "From where does Katie Price purchase her leisure garmets?"
Is this the generation we created with our ITV2?

Valentine Suicide said...

No one is fooled. I'm sick of the sight of both of them glaring at me from the front page of every tabloid every day. I would almost like to see Old Gladys Beckham back in the 'news'.

Outlaw the tabloids and the celebrity mags FOREVER.

(unless you work on one FC- in which case, you're doing a sterling job. Keep up the good work)

Valentine Suicide said...

...and she MUST get her chav-wear from Playboy. Another post-modern feminist gesture.

Five-Centres said...

Well I don't VS, but it's close, but thankfully not that close. I agree with you. It would make my job far more interesting.