Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Winter World Of Love


It's the work Christmas party tonight.

Hooray.

It's the one where the whole company gets together and can't actually speak because the pumping music is way too loud so it divides into three groups: smokers (outside), die-hard shouters and Sister Sledge enthusiasts who won't be leaving the dancefloor. (I'm expecting Crazy In Love to kick things off. Just see if it doesn't. That song now belongs in the seriously overplayed category).

I wouldn't really mind if there was a quieter area where you could talk but there never is and it's got to be one of the most unexciting days of the year. Of course, for some people in the building it's the highlight. They really go to town on their costumes. One year a girl came as box of popcorn. It was a sight to see. Oh, did I mention it's fancy dress?

This years theme, imaginatively, is Christmas. I'm just popping on a festive jumper and passing myself off as a Val Doonican Christmas special, should anyone ask. I loathe fancy dress if not everyone participates. You don't want to be the only one turning up as the Green Lantern, after all. If everyone joins in it's okay, but I never have time to think about it properly so make little effort. Bad I know. I should be setting an example. Not that anyone could care less.

There's always a lot of resistance to this do here for some reason. Where I've worked previously people wouldn't dream of missing the Christmas bash - free food and drink - and for that it was quite a lot of fun. I was younger then of course, and hitting the dancefloor didn't carry the same amount of shame as it does when you're 44 and look like Anton Rogers after too many snowballs, shirt unbuttoned to the naval leading everyone in the Macarena. But at least it was a top night out. And there were prizes.

Here though it's almost a badge of of shame if you do go, and you're, like, sticking it to the man if you don't go. Not that anyone notices.

On a related note, does anyone have a party actually in an office anymore? They're mythical now, really. People snogging behind filing cabinets, paper hats skew-wiff, streamers round Doreen from accounts who's pinching the post room boy's arse, drunks dancing to Merry Xmas Everyone, old sick in the cheese plant. Actually that sounds quite jolly.

Anyway, let's get this party started.

12 comments:

Anton Rodgers said...

Heh, we're having our Christmas party in our office, this afternoon in fact. Due to cutbacks, obviously - we have to buy our own drinks, but we are getting a free mince pie. I do love how "from accounts" has become enshrined in the argot of the Christmas party.

Is 'Sister Sledge enthusiast' a euphemism, by the way?

Five-Centres said...

Not really Anton, just that that's the sort of music that gets played at all Xmas dos. I start slitting my throat when The Real Thing's You To Me Are Everything comes on then by Dancing Queen I'm dead.

Cocktails said...

I've never been to a proper work Christmas party of my own with dancing and everything.

We usually just have a big meal out, eat too much, drink too much, gossip and argue.

I think I am missing something.

Who said...

I've actively avoided all jobs 'in accounts' out of fear of what might happen to me at the office Christmas party...

Ishouldbeworking said...

I'm self-employed now, so maybe later on I'll eat a green chipolata, drink a small can of Heineken with a fag butt floating in it, and pinch my own bottom. Just so i don't feel left out.

Five-Centres said...

Or we could come round and do that for you ISBW. Just a thought!

Mondo said...

When I worked for the Civil Service there were always office parties – cheapo wine in plastic cups by the filing cabinets. I went to one in Piley’s office once, where everyone brought a ‘dish’. God know what it was, but someone’s offering, looked like great grey lump of putty the size of rat. One hour later it had been dressed with several bent fags and I threw it from the 13th floor window shortly after. A few years later at a big corporate do, I lobbed a pork pie at the MD during his speech from the stage (free bar to blame for that one)

Have you checked XTC’s Frivolous Tonight it sums up office parties perfectly

Bright Ambassador said...

Spend any longer than is absolutely necessary with my work 'mates'? No thanks.

Anonymous said...

Can we have a dance later, please, F-C? I may just reveal who I am if you say yay...

Five-Centres said...

Of course we may. I'm intrigued...

TimT said...

Our Christmas party is being held in the office (the meeting rooms upstairs, to be precise), for the third year running. At least it means you don't have to travel on the tube in embarrassing fancy dress.

Sensibly, the office bit ends at 9pm, after which there's apparently an area reserved in a nearby club - while middle-aged farts like me can toddle off home and watch TV.

Anonymous said...

Gather roses while you may........................................

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