Thursday, March 04, 2010
"I'm a scrummy sausage bap. But I've got no sauce on me. I'm naked! *blushes* Please kill me now.
After seeing two irritants coming together this morning in the shape of James Corden 'guest-editing' Shortlist - i.e., have your picture taken with the team and get paid for it (any excuse to big up the team in Shortlist), I decided to sooth my shattered nerves at Pret A Manger.
Of course that's a mistake because the minute you walk in you're bomarded by childishness. I know I've probably blogged about this before - I can't believe I haven't - but it doesn't get any better. In fact, it may have got worse.
Everything has some matey little aside attached to it, like we're pals. You're a shop. You are not my friend.
'You may have noticed we have a big, fancy baker's oven in every Pret shop!', trills the notice at you like you have learning disabilities. I half expect the next sentence to be 'Do you know what that is, children?'. This, according to the sandwich bag, is a 'passion fact'. In fact it's passion fact No.11. Because they must ram down our throats at every opportunity how they live for food. Judging by the motley crew of servers and cooks at my local one I think it's simply a means to an end that involves foreign students heating up ready cooked rolls, stuffing bitter lettuce between two slices of bread and overdoing it with the sauces. Let's throw in not having a clue what you're talking about while we at it. Hardly the line-up at the River Cafe. More like the back row in Glee club.
And of course it's owned by McDonalds, so as much as it yearns to be seen to be taking food - healthy food - serioulsy, it won't be. Everything's over-salted and over-buttered and over-mayoed. Plus its policy of babytalk doesn't help. I have to say I'm fast going off the ham and cheese croissants, once my savoury morning snack of choice. But they're always the other side of tepid by the time I get to my desk, and I've noticed lately they're also a little doughy and undercooked too.
At the counter I inwardly most cross when you plonk your juice on the counter and ask for your croissant leaving a few beats before the dimbulb behind the counter asks 'do you want any coffee?'. If I'd wanted a coffee I'd have asked for it. I don't need prompting like I'm mentally subnormal.
But the whole ethos tells you you are. To wit on a napkin: 'If Pret staff get all serviette-ish and hand you huge bunches of napkins (which you don't need or want) please give them the evil eye. Waste not want not'. Who's doing the voice over? Joyce Grenfell?
It's absurd. Treating inanimate objects like they can think for themselves is my pet hate. The back of Ocado vans which say 'I'm a veggie van. I drink biodiesel' like it's Thomas the bloody Tank Engine or something. It's just further proof of the infantilisation fo Britain. You many not think for yourself anymore and must be treated like a child. Statement of fact about VAT and the like have to have 'nightmare!', at the end of the sentence as if to tell us they share our pain. I'm not buying it.
I blame Innocence smoothies, surely the worst offenders. Those drinks that say 'I'm made from lots and lots of lovely berries and if I'm not you can tell my mum' may just as well say 'I'm a cunt'.
It's time to grow up.
Enjoy your day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Labels
- Brrrr (3)
- Not funny (3)
- Sigh (3)
- Yawn (3)
- Abba (2)
- Austria (2)
- Beatles (2)
- David Essex (2)
- Doctor Who (2)
- Dull (2)
- Emma Watson (2)
- Foreigner (2)
- Glastonbury (2)
- Grange Hell (2)
- Harry Potter (2)
- I love you all (2)
- IKEA (2)
- Marmalade (2)
- Never again (2)
- Revels (2)
- Ricky Wilde (2)
- See ya (2)
- Shoo (2)
- Shorts (2)
- Slumdog Millionaire (2)
- Southern TV (2)
- Swinging London (2)
- The Apprentice (2)
- Tsk (2)
- Twiggy (2)
- abject boredom (2)
- bombs (2)
- death (2)
- floods (2)
- mad fans (2)
- radio shows (2)
- tits (2)
- "She was truly the Queen of our hearts (1)
- 'Can I have a go?' (1)
- * more wishful thinking (1)
- *Not really (1)
- *That's a Penetration reference (1)
- *you iron them out as Paul Young said (1)
- ...and in comes Roderick Usher with the Lady Eleanor (1)
- ...but for how much longer? (1)
- 10cc (1)
- A Moving experience (1)
- A bloody good shoeing (1)
- A complete washout (1)
- A file this thick (1)
- A fright (1)
- A gramophone? B A Robertson (1)
- A little slow on the uptake (1)
- A rich vein (1)
- A right royal rumpus (1)
- A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be (1)
- ABC (1)
- Aaaaaaaah (1)
- Across The Universe (1)
- Alan Bennett (1)
- Alex Turner (1)
- All in the best possible taste (1)
- Alton Towers Resort (1)
- Amanda Lear (1)
- And after the break: Gerry Monroe Lulu and Gilbert Harding (1)
- And cut your hair while your at it (1)
- And my heart went boom (1)
- And not yet a woman (1)
- And relax... (1)
- Andrew Collins (1)
- Andrew Marr (1)
- Animal Magic (1)
- Anna Friel (1)
- Anonymous posters will disagree of course (1)
- Anthony Hopkins (1)
- Antony Cotton (1)
- Apple Records (1)
- April Fool's Day massacre (1)
- Art (1)
- Art for art's sake (1)
- As for Beatrice (1)
- As if anyone cares (1)
- As you were (1)
- Ashes to Ashes (1)
- At a loss (1)
- Atherley Bowling Club Pipe Smokers' Annual Mix and MIngle (1)
- Atmosphere: terse (1)
- Australia (1)
- Australia again (1)
- Available at Boots (1)
- B*witched (1)
- B-52's (1)
- BBC4 (1)
- BNP members (1)
- Back in the high life my eye (1)
- Badfinger (1)
- Barbican (1)
- Bastards (1)
- Be thankful for what you've got (1)
- Behind blue eyes (1)
- Belle and Sebastian (1)
- Bergman (1)
- Bert Kampfaert (1)
- Better get going on that novel (1)
- Big Brother 9 (1)
- Billy No-Mates (1)
- Birthday (1)
- Blake's 7 (1)
- Blanche Ryves' show dhalias (1)
- Blancmange (1)
- Bloody ridiculous (1)
- Bloomsbury (1)
- Blouson jackets (1)
- Blue Peter (1)
- Blue jeans and chinos (1)
- Bones (1)
- Bonkers (1)
- Book early (1)
- Bored to tears (1)
- Bovril crisps (1)
- Branchy doesn't have the same ring. (1)
- Breaking Glass (1)
- Brian Protheroe (1)
- Bring on the next victim (1)
- Bringing it all back - and not in a good way (1)
- Brontosaurus (1)
- Brrrrr (1)
- Brtiney Spears (1)
- Bruce Forsyth (1)
- Bubblerock never ruled (1)
- Bulimia (1)
- But not Ben Shephard (1)
- But we love it (1)
- Can you tell I don't like her? (1)
- Can't remember what it stands for (1)
- Can't think of anything (1)
- Can't wait for this (1)
- Cape Wrath (1)
- Captain Sensible (1)
- Captured my dreams (1)
- Cardiff (1)
- Carly Simon (1)
- Celebrity greed (1)
- Change your mind (1)
- Channel TV (1)
- Charity shops (1)
- Charlie from Casualty (1)
- Chelsea (1)
- Chesty cough (1)
- Chicago (1)
- Children of Men (1)
- Chilling (1)
- Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep (1)
- Chris Martin (1)
- Chrissie Hynde (1)
- Cilla Black (1)
- Cinderella Rockerfella should have won it (1)
- Clive owen (1)
- Cock (1)
- Coldplay (1)
- Comic Relief (1)
- Comic Relief - I hate it (1)
- Coming soon: Neanderthal Man Light Flight and She's A Rainbow (1)
- Cool (1)
- Couldn't Carey less (1)
- Crap all on (1)
- Crossroads (1)
- Crush my spirit of life/Take my emotions (1)
- Cult (1)
- Cyndi Lauper (1)
- Dad's Army (1)
- Daft cow (1)
- Danni Minogue (1)
- Danny Kelly (1)
- Dave Mason just missed out (1)
- David Hasselhof (1)
- David Tennant (1)
- Davina McCall (1)
- De do do do de da da da you're bollocks (1)
- Dead people (1)
- Dear Cliff Richard (1)
- Dear old things (1)
- Degrassi (1)
- Denmark (1)
- Depeche Mode (1)
- Dervla Kirwan (1)
- Des O'Connor (1)
- Dick Emery (1)
- Did you childhood end too soon? (1)
- Didn't we almost have it all? (1)
- Do you know which song this comes from? (1)
- Dog shit (1)
- Don Estelle (1)
- Don Partridge (1)
- Don Partridge RIP (1)
- Don't call me baby (1)
- Don't forget Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson (1)
- Donovan's tits (1)
- Dont' go (1)
- Dr Hilary Jones's tits (1)
- Dr Latimer (1)
- Dry your eyes (1)
- Duffy (1)
- Dyer consequences (1)
- Dying really (1)
- Eating outside - it's just plain wrong (1)
- Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart (1)
- Eighties bands (1)
- Email me for my adress (1)
- Emma Watson boyfriend George Craig (1)
- Emma Watson's boyfriend (1)
- Emma Watson's boyfriends (1)
- Emma Watson's tips (1)
- Empire Awards 2009 (1)
- Englad 2 - Croatia 3 Hooray (1)
- England Dan John (1)
- Englebert Humperdinck (1)
- Enough already (1)
- Er.. (1)
- Eschoir indeed (1)
- Esther Rantzen (1)
- Even my own (1)
- Evergreen/Sparkling Snow/Get this winter over with (1)
- Everybody's talkin' at me (at work) (1)
- Evonne Goolagong (1)
- Express delivery straight into the bin (1)
- Eye Level (1)
- FC TV (1)
- Faceache (1)
- Failed chat shows (1)
- Fanny Cradock (1)
- Fast food (1)
- Feeling much better now (1)
- Feeling rather sorry for myself (1)
- Fern Britton (1)
- Festivals The Gap (1)
- Films (1)
- Filofax (1)
- Fine Fare (1)
- Fine wine (1)
- Fiona Phillps is a tit (1)
- Five Centres has no talent (1)
- Fix your blogrolls accordingly (1)
- Flashforward (1)
- Flatlets (1)
- Fleadh (1)
- Flying Machine (1)
- Fool (1)
- Fools (1)
- Fools rush in (1)
- Foot in mouth (1)
- Ford Coley (1)
- Forever autumn (1)
- Four natural fruit flavours (1)
- Foyled again (1)
- French chanson (1)
- Fridge hell (1)
- Frost (1)
- Fuck (1)
- Funkadelic (1)
- GBH (1)
- GMTV (1)
- GQ (1)
- Gangajang (1)
- Gary Glitter (1)
- Gasp (1)
- Gather in the mushrooms (1)
- Gavin (1)
- Gay weddings (1)
- Gene Hunt's marvellous (1)
- Genesis (1)
- George Lazenby (1)
- Georgie Fame (1)
- German (1)
- Get on with it (1)
- Get over it (1)
- Get past the bottles and you're hooked. (1)
- Getting it off my chest (1)
- Getting your head down sweetie? Jolly good idea (1)
- Gilbert O'Sullivan (1)
- Give me strength (1)
- Give us a twirl (1)
- Glad Danyl's out of the X Factor (1)
- Glad that over (1)
- Glad that's over (1)
- Glad that's over No.2 (1)
- Glad that's over No.3 (1)
- Glad to be back (1)
- Global warming (1)
- Gloria Estefan was a wise woman (1)
- Glyn Christian (1)
- Gone but not forgotten (1)
- Good quality turnout there (1)
- Good riddance to bad rubbish (1)
- Good to be home (1)
- Goodbye (1)
- Goodbye Woolworths (1)
- Gord night (1)
- Gordon Brown (1)
- Great big feeds on sunflower seeds (1)
- Great jokes (1)
- Green Green (1)
- Grrrr (1)
- Grrrrrrrrrrr (1)
- Grrrrrrrrrrrr (1)
- Ha bloody ha (1)
- Happiness (1)
- Happy Easter (1)
- Hard Times/The Human League (1)
- Harumph (1)
- Hate figures (1)
- Hateful TV (1)
- Hateful bore (1)
- Hateful things (1)
- Have you heard his Rachel? (1)
- Hawaii (1)
- Hazel O'Connor (1)
- Hazel the postwoman (1)
- Heat (1)
- Heaven 17 (1)
- Hell In A Handcart by Richard LittleJohn (1)
- Hello Goodbye (1)
- Hello is that Susan (1)
- Hello world (1)
- Help me (1)
- Here's to 2010 (1)
- Herman's Hermits (1)
- Heston Blumenthal (1)
- Hi (1)
- His big break (1)
- History (1)
- Hits from the 80s you never hear on the radio anymore (1)
- Holiday resorts that don't cut it anymore (1)
- Home and Away (1)
- Horrible kids (1)
- How soon we forget (1)
- Howards' Way (1)
- I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe) (1)
- I already know the answer to this (1)
- I am the morning DJ on WOLD-D-D-D-D (1)
- I can't stand the rain (1)
- I do love Ultravox (1)
- I feel a bit sick now (1)
- I give up (1)
- I hate cyclists (1)
- I have a large collection of middles (1)
- I just want to lie down (1)
- I loved Plain Jane Superbrain too (1)
- I never knew there was so much in it (1)
- I really really love you (1)
- I shake so much (1)
- I want to die on the stage (1)
- I was once kissed by Isla Fisher (1)
- I wonder why Sarah Kennedy didn't appear? (1)
- I'd rather drink my own piss (1)
- I'd rather have a bit of cheese on toast (1)
- I'll be frank if you'll be earnest (1)
- I'll bet there's a black fly in her Chardonnay (1)
- I'll never find another you (1)
- I'm alive (1)
- I'm boring myself here (1)
- I'm going for a lie down (1)
- I'm in a New York state of mind (1)
- I'm not bitter (1)
- I've Finnished now (1)
- I've got no central heating at the moment either (1)
- I've never felt like this before (1)
- I've never seen Gavin and Stacey (1)
- ITV idents (1)
- Ian McEwan (1)
- Iceland (1)
- If anyone laughs I'm leaving (1)
- If it were me I'd do not a jot of publicity (1)
- If it's the last one (1)
- If only I'd wake up and it was 1969 (1)
- If only it were 1993 (1)
- Instant karma's gonna get you (1)
- Is it you or is it me (1)
- Is that you Po-land? (1)
- It oughta sell a million trillion billion (1)
- It was actually me who ate all those pies (1)
- It's Immaterial (1)
- It's OK (1)
- It's a fair cop (1)
- It's a mis-steak (1)
- It's beginning to look a lot like favouritism (1)
- It's derby not darby (1)
- It's dull I know (1)
- It's from Weird Science (1)
- It's not east of Java (1)
- It's the most wonderful time of the year (1)
- JLC U Next Tuesday (1)
- Jade's wedding (1)
- Jaffa Cakes are a cake (1)
- James Corden (1)
- James Nesbitt (1)
- Japan (1)
- Jericho (1)
- Jersey (1)
- Jessie Wallace - go back to Walford (1)
- Jet Harris (1)
- Jill Dando (1)
- John Barrowman's hair regime should be on the national curriculum (1)
- John Lydon (1)
- John Martyn RIP (1)
- John Prescott (1)
- John Titor (1)
- Jon and Vangelis (1)
- Jonathan King (1)
- Journey (1)
- Judie Tzuke (1)
- Judy Collins (1)
- Jukebox (1)
- Julie Goodyear perched on a rock cake (1)
- Julie Graham (1)
- Junior Showtime was never so exciting (1)
- Juno (1)
- Just (1)
- Just about back to normal. (1)
- Just don't cast Jimmy Nesbitt (1)
- Just jealous (1)
- Just off Carnaby Street (1)
- KFC (1)
- Kale and hearty (1)
- Kansas (1)
- Karen Dury where are you now? (1)
- Kate O'Mara (1)
- Kate takes a fall (1)
- Katie Boyle (1)
- Keep the faith yeah? (1)
- Kim Wilde (1)
- Kinks (1)
- LAFTA (1)
- LWT (1)
- Lacey Turner (1)
- Las Vegas (1)
- Leaving on runway number nine (1)
- Lemmy (1)
- Lenny Bennett (1)
- Let's be avenue (1)
- Let's dance (1)
- Let's eat (1)
- Let's get together the two of us over a (1)
- Let's have another party (1)
- Let's not hate in '08 (1)
- Let's not rule out Singing In The Rain either (1)
- Letter never sent (1)
- Lightnin' Strikes (1)
- Little Chef (1)
- Little River Band (1)
- Live Earth (1)
- Living in a world turned upside down (1)
- Living in the Seventies (1)
- London Line (1)
- Long exhalation of breath (1)
- Look Matt blogging in my own time (1)
- Look... (1)
- Lorne Spicer's tits are her own affair (1)
- Lost (1)
- Lots to say (1)
- Love (1)
- Loved Grown-ups (1)
- Ludicrous (1)
- Luxembourg (1)
- M (1)
- MOJO (1)
- Mad for it (1)
- Malcolm McLaren Madam Butterfly (1)
- Malcolm Pryce (1)
- Man (1)
- Man U is an invention of the middle classes (1)
- Mark Ronson (1)
- Marks and Spencer (1)
- Mary Hopkin (1)
- Mary Portas (1)
- Matt Lucas (1)
- Matt Smith (1)
- Mean bosses (1)
- Mexico was a German No. 2 in 1971 (1)
- Middle Of The Road (1)
- Mike Read Mike Read 275 and 285 (1)
- Miles Kane (1)
- Mind that bus (1)
- Minder you language (1)
- Mojo Awards (1)
- Molly is a singer in a band (1)
- Moonwire (1)
- More early 70s joy (1)
- More reality bollocks instead (1)
- Morris dancing (1)
- Morrison's (1)
- Moscow Shanghai Paris New York LONDON (1)
- Moulinex make things simple and that includes the price (1)
- Mr Minuetting Mozart (1)
- Mud (1)
- Music is my first love (1)
- Music to watch churls by (1)
- Musical twats (1)
- My birthday (1)
- My favourite Wings number is Let Me Roll It (1)
- My life's over (1)
- My mother went to town (1)
- Names you hate (1)
- Nearly went for unisex (1)
- Neighbours (1)
- Neil Young (1)
- Never having another party (1)
- New Moon On Monday (1)
- New World (1)
- New York (1)
- New Yorker (1)
- Nick Cave (1)
- Nick Drake (1)
- Nicole Kidman (1)
- Nixon (1)
- No arms can ever hold you (1)
- No faith (1)
- No not Billy Cotton Bill Cotton (1)
- No one likes a baby bore (1)
- No spoilers (1)
- Nobody likes a dullard (1)
- Nobody makes soup in a cup like Batchelor's Cup a Soup (1)
- None to speak of (1)
- Nosdravia (1)
- Not as bad as all that (1)
- Not best pleased (1)
- Not keen on their version of Jolene (1)
- Not mad on Phil Collins either (1)
- Not so fantastic Mr Fox (1)
- Not that Christmassy still (1)
- Not very good at being modern (1)
- Not watching Hell's Kitchen (1)
- Now (1)
- Now fuck off (1)
- Now on a diet (1)
- Now there's something on at last (1)
- Now we are 500 (1)
- Number 10 (1)
- OMG it's OMD (1)
- Obama (1)
- Of course (1)
- Oh Karen (1)
- Oh brother (1)
- Oh no you don't (1)
- Oh that's a different Terry (1)
- Old friends (1)
- Old git (1)
- Olympic in London (1)
- Olympics (1)
- One calorie one calorie Diet Pepsi can help (1)
- One day we'll get together over a glass of champagne (1)
- One for sorrow (1)
- One for sorrow two for joy (1)
- Only Fools and Horses... (1)
- Ooh what a life (1)
- Opportunity Knocks (1)
- Or Sun Street (1)
- Overgrown students (1)
- Pan's People (1)
- Panache. For the woman you are. (1)
- Parky's leaving Radio 2 - hurrah (1)
- Paul O'Grady (1)
- Paul Weller (1)
- Pentangle (1)
- People have problems over the years Midland Bank has very good ears (and it hears) (1)
- People who irritate (1)
- Pete Doherty (1)
- Peter Duncan (1)
- Peter Purves (1)
- Phew (1)
- Piglets (1)
- Pilchard was not in his repertoire (1)
- Please may I leave the table? (1)
- Poco (1)
- Poetry in motion (1)
- Pop Muzik (1)
- Portmanteau films (1)
- Prince Andrew (1)
- Princess Margaret (1)
- Psshaw (1)
- Puppet on a string (1)
- Pussycat dolls tits (1)
- Put a cork in it (1)
- Put some love in your heart (1)
- Quite irritated today (1)
- Random thoughts (1)
- Raymond Blanc (1)
- Red Box (1)
- Relax in the Kingdom Of Leather (1)
- Richard Shops. Aaah (1)
- Richard Thompson (1)
- Road to ruin (1)
- Robson Green (1)
- Roger Miller (1)
- Roger Whittaker Lives (1)
- Roll on 2009 (1)
- Roll on 60 (1)
- Ronnie Corbett (1)
- Ronnie James Dio (1)
- Roxy Music (1)
- Rubbish sayings (1)
- Ruddy hell (1)
- Russell Brand (1)
- Russia (1)
- Ruth Jones (1)
- SARAH'S BEEN A BAD GIRL (1)
- Sade (1)
- Said Fleetwood Mac (1)
- Sailor (1)
- Saw (1)
- Scary Monsters (1)
- Scott Walker (1)
- Scrabble (1)
- Second hand rose (1)
- See local press for details. (1)
- See what's become of me (1)
- See you then (1)
- Seinfeld (1)
- Selina Scott (1)
- Send her all my salary on the waters of oblivion (1)
- Serge Gainsbourg (1)
- Sette's a jolly good fellow (1)
- Sex and the city (1)
- Sha-ron (1)
- Shag (1)
- Shame (1)
- Shami Chakrabarti (1)
- Shattered dreams (1)
- She has no face (1)
- She needs a bloody good hiding to be perfectly honest (1)
- She stops and says hello (1)
- She's my favourite actress (1)
- Shit TV (1)
- Short answer: no (1)
- Should we call him Kay Peters? (1)
- Sigh. (1)
- Silly Thing (1)
- Silly cow (1)
- Silly questions (1)
- Silver wings on my son's chest (1)
- Simon Cowell Kate Moss (1)
- Sind sie alein in Berlin? (1)
- Smoking (1)
- Snogging couples on buses (1)
- So let's make a pact to meet in September (1)
- So many memories (1)
- So shed your skin and let's get started (1)
- Solid Rock (1)
- Some people hate this (1)
- Somebody help me (1)
- Something Sixties probably (1)
- Something tells me you probably won't agree with me (1)
- Sometimes I really hate TV (1)
- Songs from the Eighties you never hear on the radio (1)
- South Bank Show Awards (1)
- Spam (1)
- Spandau Ballet (1)
- Spare Rib must die (1)
- Spooky (1)
- Squire (1)
- Stacey (1)
- Stardust (1)
- Starr quality (1)
- Steeleye Span (1)
- Still got There's No Time For A Tango killing me (1)
- Still waiting... (1)
- Strawbs (1)
- Strictly boring (1)
- Stuart Maconie (1)
- Stupid phrases from stupid people. (1)
- Styx (1)
- Sunday night (1)
- Supertoys last all summer long (1)
- Survivors (1)
- Susan Boyle (1)
- Synth Brittania (1)
- Sytx (1)
- T-Bones (1)
- TV Cream (1)
- Take That (1)
- Take a Gino home with you (1)
- Tanita Tikaram (1)
- Tate Modern (1)
- Teardrop Explodes (1)
- Tennis (1)
- Terms of Endearment (1)
- That bloody song (1)
- That was the week that was (1)
- That'll Be The Day (1)
- That's Bianca (1)
- That's enough ranting now (1)
- That's right (1)
- That's showbiz (1)
- Thatcher (1)
- The Affected (1)
- The B-52's (1)
- The Babys were the Seventies I think (1)
- The Bargain Store is open come inside (1)
- The Beatles (1)
- The Calender Girl Murders (1)
- The City (1)
- The Crunch Bunch (1)
- The Day The World Turned Day Glo (1)
- The Good Life (1)
- The King of Rock (1)
- The Lotus Eaters (1)
- The Quo (1)
- The Restaurant (1)
- The Social Network (1)
- The Tweets were 1981 (1)
- The Urban Woo (1)
- The Waters of Mars (1)
- The Wire (1)
- The death of celebrity (hopefully) (1)
- The shame (1)
- They're A Weird Mob (1)
- They're just like us (1)
- They've got three (1)
- Thinking of packing it all in (1)
- This is Santa's big scene (1)
- Thompson Twins (1)
- Threads (1)
- Three Dog Night (1)
- Three Faces Of Fate (1)
- Ticket To The Moon (1)
- Tiki Lounge (1)
- Tired of everything really (1)
- Tomorrow: Briefcases (1)
- Tomorrow: Please Don't Fall In Love (1)
- Ton Loc (1)
- Tonite let's all make love in London (1)
- Tony Blair (1)
- Tony Meehan (1)
- Too hot to handle (1)
- Top tunes (1)
- Torchwood (1)
- Toto (1)
- Tra la la etc (1)
- Tracey-Ann Oberman (1)
- Traffic (1)
- Trash in the attic (1)
- Travelling Wilburys (1)
- Tumbleweed on the dancefloor (1)
- Twitter (1)
- Uncertain Smile (1)
- Unfortunately I don't own Sad Eyes by Robert John (1)
- Unfunny comedy (1)
- Up Where We Belong (1)
- Uri Geller (1)
- Valentines (1)
- Valerie Singleton (1)
- Vauxhall Corsa (1)
- Very dark thoughts indeed (1)
- Village people (1)
- Viva (1)
- War is stupid (1)
- Warehouse 19 (1)
- Waterson (1)
- Watersons (1)
- We couldn't hear a word he was saying (1)
- We didn't get to see the wall that grows real hair (1)
- We don't eat meat (1)
- Wednesdays at 8 (1)
- Well done lovey (1)
- Well really (1)
- Westward TV (1)
- What a Gok (1)
- What could I write? (1)
- What the bloody hell am I talking about (1)
- What's he like Mavis? (1)
- Whatever happened to Lee Peck (1)
- Whatever happened to Pato Banton? (1)
- Where Do You Go To My Lovely (1)
- Where's Hannah now? (1)
- Where's Kenneth Kendall when you need him (1)
- Which one of you bitches is my mother? (1)
- Whip in my valise (1)
- White Horses (1)
- White Plains (1)
- Who do you think you are? (1)
- Who remembers Tesco Home and Wear? (1)
- Who wants a bit of Gok? (1)
- Who'll take over (1)
- Who's going to do a Marmalade medley with me? (1)
- Why can't it always be 1985? (1)
- Why do you go they ask (1)
- Why does no one play xmas songs at xmas parties? (1)
- Why is it always tits? (1)
- Will Self (1)
- Will Young (1)
- Wimbledon (1)
- Wonderful (1)
- Wondrous stories (1)
- Woolco and all good record stores (1)
- Wot no theme from Valley of the Dolls? (1)
- Wrap your troubles in dreams (1)
- X Factor (1)
- XTC remind me of conkers (1)
- Yardley of Leeds (1)
- Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (1)
- Yeah right (1)
- Yes (1)
- Yes I am (1)
- Yes I do and I hope you'll hear me (1)
- Yes dull (1)
- Yma Sumac (1)
- You Cried A Tear I Wiped It Dry (1)
- You be the judge (1)
- You can't always get what you want (1)
- You do what you can (1)
- You don't want them? (1)
- You just put your lips together and blow (1)
- You may call me the Galloping Gourmet (1)
- You won't know that show if you're not from the US probably (1)
- You're History (Britain's favourite Shakespeare Sister song). It's official (1)
- You're pulling my leg (1)
- You're the lady (1)
- Yuppies (1)
- Ze plane (1)
- Zoe Ball may as well not be there (1)
- Zzzzzzzzz (1)
- alan johnston (1)
- and don't get too excited (1)
- and not forgetting that large cosy tartan themed lochside pile in Scotland (1)
- and solitude is never easy to maintain (1)
- anti-cycling campaign (1)
- baked goods (1)
- biff bam pow (1)
- bills (1)
- blah (1)
- blah" (1)
- builders do eat too (1)
- by Hildegard Knef (1)
- cake (1)
- captured my memories (1)
- cherry wine (1)
- chips (1)
- cold war (1)
- conspiracy (1)
- cos it's actually quite a nice name (1)
- crap awards ceremonies (1)
- crap comedies (1)
- crap tv (1)
- crisps (1)
- crumpets (1)
- currency (1)
- cyclists must be banned (1)
- dentists (1)
- destiny's child (1)
- diets (1)
- dips (1)
- doctor death (1)
- don't even start me (1)
- dullards (1)
- feelings (1)
- feet (1)
- food (1)
- ghosts and ghouls (1)
- grass (1)
- happy times (1)
- heroin chic (1)
- horseshit movies (1)
- hurdy gurdy (1)
- in dreams (1)
- inappropriate clothing (1)
- ipod (1)
- irritating shop assistants you want to kill (1)
- it's west (1)
- itouch myself (1)
- julian cope (1)
- kim's (1)
- kitchenware (1)
- letters (1)
- lettuce (1)
- load of bloody rubbish (1)
- long deceptively strong (1)
- magazine editors (1)
- magazines (1)
- mamma mia (1)
- murderous clowns (1)
- muslims (1)
- news (1)
- no time to say it (1)
- not a biscuit (1)
- oooh (1)
- other US shit (1)
- pen pals (1)
- probably keep it to yourself (1)
- pubs (1)
- radishes (1)
- rain (1)
- relaxing (1)
- rock (1)
- rude wives (1)
- seventies music (1)
- sick (1)
- simon cowell (1)
- slate-grey skies (1)
- snacks (1)
- something blank (1)
- spas (1)
- stamps (1)
- sunbathing (1)
- tears (1)
- terrorism (1)
- the Beaumont Children (1)
- the NHS (1)
- the one on the left (1)
- the sun goes down (1)
- the weather (1)
- they were in Poldark together (1)
- things you don't want to find under your carpet (1)
- this week (1)
- thyroids (1)
- to buy a little bike (1)
- tops (1)
- tuna bakes (1)
- turns on the breakfast show (1)
- used to give me roses (1)
- verrucas (1)
- vests (1)
- village shows (1)
- what a super surprise (1)
- wisdom teeth (1)
- yes there are (1)
- you know (1)
- you're the lady that I love (1)
- £12.99 (1)
- सैल away (1)
14 comments:
I think it's the ready-to-drink bottles of Ribena which have "pop me in the fridge and drink me within three days" or something similar on the side. Do fuck off.
This is surely the worst example, though...
http://twitpic.com/16dz6p
Oh God, that's jam-packed with stupidity. Definitely the worst offender.
Heh, you're really on form today.
As a legal point, Pret ARE cunts, but no longer ones in whom McDonalds have an interest. (http://www.pret.com/us/contact_us/faqs/)
I know this as I recently wrote an article about sandwiches.
Anyhoo, do complain to them if your food is crap. I had two experiences, one of which I got a money-off voucher for, one of which I had no response at all for, when my smoothie exploded all over me (stop laughing).
And 'Cheerfully contains peanuts and nuts'? WTF???
Spot on, but judging by the headline you've got a talent for this.
Yes Dan, any fool could do it
Have you tried Oi Bagels? They're shockers for this silly-business sloganeering - you can almost hear every piece of puffery being read in the oil-slick tone of Richard Allinson.
On a similar theme corporate hippiedom grates on me. Shops/supermarkets bleating on about carbon footprints, locally sourced 'insert here' , fair trade whatever- written like Neil from Young Ones is the CEO. Shaddup!
PS - here's the album I mentioned yesterday
Mondo that's fabulous, thanks. I've bought it.
I blame Ben & Jerry's for the whole corporate hippy thing. Don't even start me on Whole Foods.
That reminds me of the hugely irritating chain of Puccinos coffee shops at railway stations, with their hilarious 'you don't have to have coffee breath to work here, but it helps' signs (but you're meant to be serving the stuff, not drinking it) and 'free crying wooden freakazoid with every millionth purchase' posters.
And their 'closed' sign says 'shut happens'.
Oh Chris that sounds truly ghastly. I'm going on the internet now to track them down. And then kill them.
It's kind of related in a 'things that get on my nerves' way ... I went to The Body Shop this morning to buy something specific and was positively hounded by the sales assistant, she just wouldn't leave me alone. Starting with 'got the day off today, have we?' - I nearly walked!
It's a ghastly phenomenon. Cutesy packaging slogans are bad enough, but I sometimes feel sorry for shop staff who are forced to spout additonal drivel. A young woman I was talking to a few months ago got sacked from her Saturday job because she refused to say "Hey, look at these fantastic tea towels, why not bag a few to along with that duvet cover?" to customers making a purchase. It insults both customer and staff.
I had my hair cut today and the girl who washed it asked me if I had the day off. It didn't occur to her that might have popped in in my lunch hour. I made it plain I wasn't for striking up a conversation with.
How you find ideas for articles, I am always lack of new ideas for articles. Some tips would be great
Post a Comment