Pale and Wan

It's official. Gok Wan is the world's most irritating man.

I've suffered through many - Mrs F-C is a fan. She says she thinks Gok is just the sort of person you need to put you at ease and make you feel good about yourself. She may be right, but I think he just tells people what they want to hear. In this day and age when people can't even open a wardrobe without bursting into tears he's a shoo-in for this psychological fashion fix. The whole thing's absurd.

From his hair to his glasses to the horrific outfits he shoehorns people into, his whole persona gets right on my pip. His lexicon, his silly parlance: 'Get those bangers out, girlfriends', 'Auntie Gok is always right', etc., etc. And the way he uses his being gay to define himself - it's cringe-worthy. Note to Gok: We know.

Last night he 'did' a man (cue endless double entendres running throughout). It was interesting, but the man didn't really need doing in the first place. In fact, many men would have killed to be that slim, including me. But not how others see you, is it. Anyway, he and this guy almost came to blows because Gok, though calm, was a bit bossy and quite rude and you could tell he'd rather be dealing with emotionally-damaged fat women from Runcorn.

I do wonder that if once the cameras off he's mocking these poor creatures with his acolytes. I'd hate to think so. I want to know he actually cares deeply about his subjects. But he seems to have an edge.

I have met him, and he was friendly if mildly dismissive, but he was quite new to all this back then and was wide-eyed with wonderment at this showbiz world he'd stumbled into. Not anymore, allegedly.

It's always the way. They start off lovely, then get well-known, start to believe their own hype, won't take no for an answer (if anyone dares say it in the first place), get ghastly and demanding and difficult with an eye on Hollywood and end up doing adverts for yoghurt. They don't know when they're well off. I'm looking at you Martine McCutcheon. There's a lesson for every showbiz wannabe right there.

It's not to late to turn back now, Gok.