'How fascinating F-C,' I hear you trill. 'Do tell us more.'
Well not that interesting in itself, naturally, but it was one of those times when you think, what if i hadn't gone to get the cat a new basket? If I hadn't trekked miles to the Pets At Home superstore just so I could look at the bunny rabbits then I wouldn't have trodden in the most almighty dog shit that a nervous Staffy had just produced in the small animals aisle.
And I wouldn't have had to wait ages for a lackadaisical assistant to appear with some paper towels and Cif, while nearly gagging over the foul smell and trying not to look at said shit which had peculiar red bits in it.
The owner, clearly embarrassed, wasn't warning anyone so into it I stepped. I can still feel it now. Thank God I wasn't wearing shoes with treads. 'It's good luck' she offered, weakly. I smiled thinly.
I should have gone straight to Westfield instead.
6 comments:
I can never understand why they let pets in Pets at Home. I go in once every few months as it's the only place here that sells filters for Bi-orb fishtanks. There's always a huge alsation scaring the living shit out of a small child with a lollipop.
As an aside, I was in there once and there was a proper old couple looking at the rodents. The lady was goading some kind of rat creature to come to the front of the cage. It did come to the front of the cage, by leaping. This scared the woman who shouted "Ooh, fuckin' 'ell!" to which her unconcerned husband replied "It waynt 'ot yer" (translation: "It won't hurt you."). Not only was it the most Newark thing I'd ever seen/heard but I also love to hear old codgers swearing.
That dreadful foot-slip realisation, followed by the head-hanging shame of those kerbside scrapes. There's no dignity or way of disguising that cleansing motion is there? Walking through puddles or trolling about on instore welcome mats just won't shift it.
On a country walk, during a school camping trip, one girl decided to be a bit diff' and go bare foot. Naturally within a few seconds she'd creamed a steaming great pile of it - right between the toes and everything *gulps and goes green*
And as a teen, when fireworks season started, we would place bangers in outsize turds found around the park - more on that in October's Dear Diary entry..
Enjoy your lunch!
I'd have rubbed HER nose in it.
Ooh barefoot. It doesn't bear thinking about.
I have no idea why, but that post reminded me of a game some Aussie chums used to play called 'Shitsock'. Apparently, you shit in a sock and hit each other with it.
You could have invited other pet lovers in that store to join in and have a game. It might have lightened the mood.
There's a lot to be said for online shopping isn't there?
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