Don't be absurd!

You know when you hear a song and you're transported back in time instantly. Wouldn't it be great if you could? Like you hear Groovin' With Mr Bloe and suddenly it's 1985, a cold spring day and you're sitting in a laundertte with your Walkman on wondering where it all went wrong.

So, like me, you've often fantasised about tripping back in time and watching yourself live your life. Every time I hear the U2 song Rejoice - which isn't often - I'm transported back to the autumn of 1982. I know October, the album from whence it came was released in 1980, but it was very much in evidence still in 1982. It's possibly the last time U2 were any good.

Once there, I might find myself copying the dance off the Tears For Fears Mad World video. I'd say to me: 'Don't do that. You look like a twat.' I'd also tell myself not to be so irritating (something I still do to this day), not to mind other people's business just to be popular, don't be afraid to take a picture of your ideal haircut into the hairdressers and not to wear such ridiculous clothes. Pixie boots? Legwarmers with trousers tucked in? Well, really.

Then again, it was 1982 and Fame was all the rage. Not that I was a fan of Fame, though I do find Starmaker by the Kids From... rather moving, and High Fidelity the sound of summer.

I'd also pop back to 1986, around this time, to when I was whooping it up as a student. That dark-yet-cosy house, the cameraderie, the denim jackets and arran sweaters, clubs, student bars, jukeboxes, second hand clothes, quiffs, the lack of cash. I'd specifically like to go back to a party we had, November of that year. I did the tapes, it was a roaring success. We had to play Walk Like An Egyptian three times. I know, I know, yes of course we loved The Smiths, etc., but EVERYONE liked Walked Like An Egyptian back then.

Really, I could go back to any moment, and no doubt dispense some advice. Like don't smoke because you think it's cool. And don't be so silly.