Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Name and shame

It's a shame, isn't it, when someone calls a baby by the name of someone you don't like. Some names have nasty assocations that it's hard to see past. You can get over a John or a Steve or a Mary or an Elizabeth, as they're so common. It's when it's slightly unusual that you never forget.

I've just heard news of a Madeleine, and the McCanns aside, it's the name of the worst boss I ever had, a panicky point-scorer with hairy legs and no sense of humour who made my life a misery. I don't like the name.

Other names that chill me to the bone:

Kelvin - Besides being a ghastly name in itself, it was attached to a pale-grey-suited, ginger-mulletted, soul-slippered bore who wanted to be my friend when I temped at an insurance company in the summer of '85 for about five minutes. He kept popping round with his record collection. I had to move to get away from him.

Lorraine - Another old boss, but she didn't go by this name, she had a silly, 1970s diminutive, and she was a monster. A terrible name that's not lasted the distance

Jilly - Silly

Dick - What's in a name? Strawbs-loving Oddbod lookalike who practically taped my conversations to get me into trouble.

Jeff - Curly-locked flatmate from Hell.

Luke - See above

Rory - Morrisseyesqe weed who couldn't wait to find fault with me - then had the gall to contact me through Friends Reunited like we were ever pals. Short shrift was forthcoming.

Pippa - Ugh.

Lee - The cause of much misery.

Jamie - No name for a grown man. See also Robin, Crispin.

Don't call your children these names.


Chris Hughes said...

Seriously, I can't wait to read your autobiography.

Bright Ambassador said...

A girl I worked with called Pippa used to make cow eyes at me many years ago. On my leaving do I gave in and shagged her. I'm horrible, aren't I?

Matthew Rudd said...

Blimey F-C, you really haven't lived a quiet life at all...

Inchy said...


My mate's wife recently gave birth to a Kai, and I had to phone 3 people before I found out whether it was male of female.

Also, I was at school with an Arthur. Now I'm 37 so I'm not THAT old, but even back then Arthur was a name for Grandads and Policemen.

Five-Centres said...

My school German exchange student was called Kai. Funny fella.

And it's the name of Daniella Westbrook's son. Really not a nice name at all.

Roman Empress said...

Kim - Kicked me up the arse playing hockey once.

Peggy - Toulouse-born harridan, armed with an excel spreadsheet rota and an eagle-eye when half a teaspoon of her coffee goes pop in student digs.

Fiona - Teaching mentor with less than a sprinkling of humanity.

Andrew - See above.

Ishouldbeworking said...

I've never met one single man called Alan that I liked. All Alans are bad.