Monday, August 18, 2008

Let's play X Factor bingo

If, like me, you're a fan of The X Factor, then you'll know what I'm talking about. Those stock phrases wheeled out by contestant after contestant, not to mention the ones overused by the judges.

So here goes. Your prize? The Christmas number one, then the pale ale circuit until you die.


'I'm doing it for my mum'

Cover version of 15-year-old Mariah Carey number

'I want to give my kids a better life'

'You nailed it!'

'I want to be the next Robbie Williams'

Mixed race boyband doing all the hand gestures to ancient Boyz To Men song

Someone who's just too young but has an amazing voice

'Why do you want to do this?'

Judges 'giving up' due to paucity of talent

Hard-faced mare does dance routine and Kylie number - badly - then won't let it go

Angry parent storming in to give the judges a piece of their mind

'Who that's around today do you think you could outsell?'

Eccentric old person gets put through to the next round by Dannii/Cheryl

'Please Louis! It's my dream! It means the world to me'

Simon Cowell saying, 'This competition' at least 8 times per show


Over-excited extended family with ears pressed against the door of the audition room, whose world falls apart when sprog is inevitably rejected

Fat girl who's doing it to show the bullies what for

Deluded duo who think they're great and are the only ones who can see they're not

Simon Cowell saying far too early on 'You could win this competition'

Dannii and Cheryl's eventual falling out played up with that Omen music


Cluracan said...

I watch 15 minutes of the programme on saturday evening; I've always managed to avoid it before.
I thought the whole think was quite pathetic.
The bad contestants were really bad, and the good ones were sad clones of every "R'n'B" ballad singer already out there
The whole show is just a flagrant vehicle for the Simon Cowell money making machine.
That 10 million people tuned in to either:
A. Laugh at the pathetic, or
B. Dream that they could be on the show
Is what I find saddest of all.

Five-Centres said...

I know what you're saying, Cluracan, but it is entertaining.

That said, I think it's only you and I watching by the looks of it.

Sky Clearbrook said...

Simon Cowell will say, "That. Is. Ab. So. Lutely. The. Worst. Audition. I. Have. Ever. Seen." around 300 times this series.

My favourite auditions reject scene was last year with those two sisters and their husbands singing "We Built This City". That Brummie Neil Morrissey lookalike was clearly delusional:

"We ARE through."; "We're better than that."; "We've sung at the NEC"; "We will work SO hard"; "Simon, you broke my wife's heart - don't ever come and have a pint with me."; "Boo hoo hoo", etc. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!


Bright Ambassador said...

I now challenge every songwriter and musician in the country to start work now on a song to stop this year's winner bagging the Xmas no.1 spot again.

Leon who?

Piers Moron said...

Recording cutting remarks, social commentary and the general dislike of Piers fucking Morgan -

Piers Moron said...

Recording cutting remarks, social commentary and the general dislike of Piers fucking Morgan -