Monday, September 21, 2009

The show-off must go on

I've always found Nicky Campbell highly irritating. Whether it was on the radio, on Watchdog or presenting some event, I never found him in the least bit warm. He was supercilious, cocky, smug, sneering, superior and frankly rather rude.

So when i heard about his vanity project I spluttered with laughter. Yes, Nicholas Andrew Argyll Campbell (as he styles himself) has formed a swing band with ex-Brookside and Holby City muppet and fellow fancier of self, Mark Moraghan.

How 2001. Outside of The X Factor I didn't realise people were still flogging this most dead of horses. Didn't Westlife and Ray Quinn put the final nail in the swing coffin? Talk about missing the boat.

Not as far as these two are concerned though. I've heard it. It's just ordinary run-of-the-mill Robbie Williams lite swing, albeit self-penned and with some 21st century reference. Neither good nor bad, just bland. I heard it yesterday on the radio and I knew instantly that's who it was. At least they didn't do Ain't That A Kick In The Head, surely the most overdone swing number in existence.

So even though neither of them are musicians, they managed to get a record deal, which is a surprise. Why them? What about all those other bands out there with real talent? What's that you say, he plays the ukelele or banjo? How novel. So does everyone else (except me, obviously).

Perhaps I'm being unkind, but I just can't bear Nicky Campbell, and to think of him on stage drinking it all in and showing off more than usual is unbearable. I read that he'd never felt so alive as when he was on stage.

God help us all.


Clair said...

Swing, indeed. And I'd love to see two fortysomething women's musical careers being given so much press interest - they'd just be attacked for being fat.

Graham Kibble-White said...

It's worth noting that when TV Cream made Nicky Campbell one of its Movers and Shakers of 2004, and described him as: "an over-reaching, vindictive daytime pop DJ with ideas above his station" he replied with: "My wife had our fourth baby daughter on Saturday and just when I thought life couldn't get any better - any more joyous - any more complete - this happens. The only tinge of sadness is that by the time my children are old enough to understand the significance of it, I'll be doing the coveted Sunday into Monday show on Radio Wick. Thanks."

Oddly, he seems to be, in real life, really rather nice.

Matthew Rudd said...

I'll defend Nicky Campbell too, but then I've always been "out" as a mega fan of his. I've no real interest in his music career, but on the radio he is exceptional, and even the most vindictive of his peers acknowledge this as well.

Chris Hughes said...

For one brief moment, I thought that picture was of Aled Jones and you, F-C. What a musical combination that would be, obviously.

I met Nicky Campbell at the Radio 1 Roadshow in Llandudno in 1990. And he was really nice. But I think he's a bit of an arse on the radio.

Have a look at this, it's 2:23 in...

Sky Clearbrook said...

I think they look like some kind of befuddled Ant 'n' Dec. I can just see them both doing that I-love-me, swivel-headed, gurning thingy that "swingers" always do in time to the music. Not to mention that pretend-y finger-snapping thing.

Whether you're a fan of Nicky and Greg Shadwick off of Brookside or not, swing music makes people like these two into self-satisfied cunts. They can't help it. I'd like to snap their fucking fingers until their heads swivelled off.

What's the bets, you don't get any comments on this post for a while after this one? I've noticed a bit of a pattern... I usually wade in with a bad-tempered, foul-mouthed rant and usually there are no further comments for ages. It's almost like the deathly silence after someone does/says something stupid or shocking; the wind whistles and tumbleweeds roll into view and the sound of the clanging chimes of doom can be heard in the distance. Not that I think my comments are in any way stupid or shocking. Or even worthy of comment.

Aye... so... Campbell and him? I'd give that a wide berth.

Ishouldbeworking said...

Sounds great! Maybe they can do a swing cover of 'Diamond Lights'.

Dan W said...

Hey! I play the ukulele, don't knock it til you've tried it.

But yes, he is an annoying man; very shouty.

Mondo said...

This could even out-honk Robson and Jerome. Glen Miller must be spinning in his grave (at 78 RPM).

Five-Centres said...

You're wrong, Sky - four comments! It's me who kills threads stone dead, usually on the Word website because I'm not fawning enough.

Not sure whether I'm please that's me or not Chris. Mark Moraghan has clearly piled it on since his Brookie days.

Chris Hughes said...

Well, it was more to do with his winning grin than his physical shape, F-C.

Although do note that he's leaning forward in the picture, doubtless all the better to hear Nicky's hilarious Scatman John impression.

Valentine Suicide said...

I can't bear the Po-Faced git either. Isn't this the man who said goodbye to Wheel Of Fortune some years ago because he wanted to be taken seriously as journalist.

Here he is in 2009, hosting a crappy Deal or No Deal daytime clone, and in a swing band.


Bright Ambassador said...

Campbell's quite clearly a cunt of the highest order whether on radio or TV. That's how much I hate him, I'm prepared to use the 'c' word on someone else's blog.
He used to infect my Friday night TV with a post-pub show called Central Weekend. You can hate him even more when you're pissed on seven bottles of Newcastle Brown.

Surely Westlife killed, ugh, swing when they released their Can We be Frank? album (no, you can't). They performed the songs wearing tuxedos with bow ties undone and holding tumblers of 'whisky', which was most probabaly cold tea.

Five-Centres said...

Oh yes, BA, Westlife were definitely the final nail the coffin. Then came Ray Quinn who buried it for good.

LF Barfe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LF Barfe said...

So, is it finally out in the open that Chad Goldberg = Nicky Campbell. I wish the churls would all remain silent and enjoy watching Campbell and Monaghan get bored with swing before alienating their entire audience with a new funk direction, a la Harry Connick Jr.

office pest said...

I hope they do 'Mack The Knife.' It must be, oooh, all of five or ten minutes since I heard someone do 'Mack The Knife'. I can't get enough of 'Mack The Knife'. And 'Over The Sea', that's a good one too.
What a surprise, most people can do them! Who-da thort? Bobby Darin could've learned so much, had he lived.

I always know when it's two Saturdays before Christmas when I hear 'Mack The Knife' on the 'X' Factor. Time to start the Christmas shopping. It's like a Sign.